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^ His Royal Highness 



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THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 


His Royal Highness 

A Comedy in Three Acts 


By 

JACK MONTAGUE 



PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1915 






Copyright 1915 by The Penn Publishing Company 



§>CI.D 4 216? 


NO'/ 3 1915 


His Royal Highness 




His Royal Highness 


CHARACTERS 


Oscar Von Verhoeff 
Charles Sumner . 
Harry Truckerman 
Daniel Truckerman 
Perkins . 

Gertrude Dainty . 
Polly Truckerman 
Maria Von Verhoeff 
Wilkins . 


the gay Prmce of Eastphalia 
who masquerades as the prince 
. who has bee?i a cowboy 
. . . a millionaire 

. . . . a butler 

. . an American girl 

. Daniel's pretty daughter 
the Princess of Eastphalia 
. . . . a footman 


Place.— London. Period. —Present. 

Scene.— The general reception-room—Daniel Trucker- 
man’s mansion. 

Time of Action— One day. Morning. Early after¬ 
noon. Late afternoon. 

Playing Time. —Two hours and a half. 


NOTE 


This play is published for production by amateurs only. 
Professionals may use it only by permission of the author, 
who may be addressed in care of the publishers. 


STORY OF THE PLAY 


In order to be near an American girl, Gertrude Dainty, 
the gay Prince Oscar of Eastphalia becomes secretary to 
Daniel Truckerman, a millionaire. Harry Truckerman loves 
Gertrude, but has not the consent of Daniel, who wishes 
to marry his children to “ swells " and get into society. 
Harry urges Charles Sumner, a guest he has picked up, to 
pretend lie’s the Prince Oscar the papers are talking about, 
and Charles agrees, in order to woo pretty Polly Trucker¬ 
man. Polly finds Charles is not a prince, but is brother 
to a lord. To get him out of his scrape Gertrude agrees to 
pose as the Princess of Eastphalia. Harry, embarrassed by 
Charles’ presence, persuades Perkins to masquerade as the 


3 




4 


COSTUMES, ETC. 


Prince and scare Charles off. With two pretended princes, 
one real prince, one false princess and three love affairs in 
the house there are delightful complications, which come 
to a climax when the real princess appears in search of her 
errant husband. There is a merry hide-and-seek, ending in 
Daniel’s discovering the deception around him. The prince, 
forgiven by his wife, pleads for the other pretenders, Daniel 
yields, and the lovers are happy. 

COSTUMES, ETC. 

Oscar. About thirty. Act I, street morning costume, 
derby hat, cutaway coat, gloves. (Or may wear a business 
suit.) Act II, same. Act III, officer’s uniform, includ¬ 
ing hat, gloves, ing hat, gloves, sword and spurs. 

Charles. About twenty-five. Act I, uniform, same as 
Oscar’s. Act II, business or morning suit. Act III, uni¬ 
form. Or, he may wear uniform throughout. 

Harry. About twenty-five. Act I, at first entrance, 
wears dressing gown; at second entrance, morning or busi¬ 
ness suit. The same throughout remainder of the play. 

Daniel. Fifty-five. Decided in manner. Rather quick¬ 
tempered, accustomed to command and be obeyed instantly. 
Gray hair. Whiskers or not, as preferred. Glasses. Acts I 
and II, business suit. Acts 11 and III, same, with hat and 
overcoat. 

Perkins. About forty-five. Pompous. Smooth face. 
Act I, butler’s black morning suit or livery, white tie, white 
cotton gloves. Act II, wears uniform similar to that of 
Oscar and Charles, but rather large for him. With it wears 
sword and spurs. 

Wilkins. About thirty. Rather timid in manner. 
Wears black suit or livery, white tie, white cotton gloves. 

Gertrude. About twenty-three. In Act 1, wears street 
costume, with hat, etc. At first entrance, Act II, she has 
discarded the hat, etc., appearing in indoor costume. At 
second entrance, Act II, she again appears dressed for the 
street. In Act III again dressed for indoors. Same dress 
throughout. Lively manner. 

Polly. About twenty. Act I, morning negligee wrapper. 
Act II, pretty house dress. Act III, street dress, with hat, 
etc. She is more sedate than Gertrude. 

Princess. About twenty-eight. Street costume, with 
hat and heavy veil. Carries lorgnette. 


PROPERTIES 

Oscar. Newspaper, cigarettes in a case. 

Charles. Cigarette. 

Perkins. Tray, with coffee service, cups, etc. 

Polly. Hand mirror, large book. 

Gertrude. Newspaper, handkerchief, chatelaine bag. 
Bell heard off stage. Hand call bell on table, or electric 
push-button set in wall up c. and connected to ring bell off 
stage. 


SCENE PLOT 


INTERIOR BACKING 



SCENE (same for all acts). Reception-room in the 
house of Daniel Truckerman. Richly furnished. Door 
up r. leads to bedrooms and sitting-rooms. Door up l. 
leads to hall and servants’ rooms. Door r. leads to bed¬ 
room suite. Door l. leads to library, etc. Table with 
small chair L. Armchair down l. Chair up l. Small 
serving table up r. Sofa down r. Other furnishings as 
desired. On table L. should be a newspaper, a small hand 
mirror and matches. 


5 









His Royal Highness 


SCENE.— Reception-room in Daniel Truckerman’s house, 
London. See Scene Plot. Pictures, flowers, statues, 
bric-a-brac , hangings, etc., to suggest great wealth. En¬ 
trances R. and L ., up R. and up L. 

(Curtain discloses Wilkins and Perkins, c. Perkins 
goes to door, r. Listens. Returns c.) 

Perkins. Dear, dear, he’s not up yet. There’s his hat. 
(Poi?its to high hat on floor down r.) Pick up Mr. Harry’s 
hat, Wilkins. 

Wilkins ( picking up hat). Yes, sir, Mr. Perkins. 
(.Motions to door, r.) Ah, a very gay young man, sir. 

Perkins. You may say so. What a night he must have 
had of it. ( They shake their heads.) Since his return 
from Ameriky he has been like a wild Indian. (Sees over¬ 
coat on armchair, l. ) There’s his coat. Pick up Mr. 
Harry’s coat, Wilkins. 

Wilkins (picking up coat). Yes, sir. Shall I put them 
in his room, Mr. Perkins ? 

Perkins. No, no ! Wait till he wakes. Dear me, he’s 
a disgrace to his father. 

Wilkins. Ah, I’m afraid so. I’ll put these away, sir. 
Perkins. Do so, Wilkins, do so. 

(Exit Wilkins, up l. Bell rings off l.) 

(Enter Polly Truckerman, up r., wearing wrapper.) 

Polly. Perkins, send my maid to me. 

Perkins. Yes, miss. (Starts l. Bell rings.) 

Polly. Oh, Perkins, never mind about the maid. 
Perkins. Yes, miss. 

(Exit, up l.) 


7 





8 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Polly. I hope it is Gertrude. I need some one to wake 
me up. (j Enter Perkins, up l.) Who is it, Perkins? 

Perkins. If you please, miss, it’s the young lady from 
Ameriky. 

Polly {still at door, up R.). Bring her in here. 

Perkins. Yes, miss. 

{Exit, up l.) 

Polly. I wonder if Harry is up. Pm sure he was out 
last night as usual. {Enter Perkins, up l., bowing in 
Gertrude Dainty.) Good-morning. 

Gertrude. Polly—where are you? {Looks around .) 

{Exit Perkins, l.) 

Polly. Here, but Pm not presentable. Make yourself 
at home. Pil be back in a few moments. 

{Exit, zip R.) 

Gertrude {going to table , l. c.). Don’t hurry. 

Polly {off). And don’t you worry. 

Gertrude {picking up paper from table ; to herself ). I 
can’t help it. Pm afraid Harry is trotting too fast a gait. 
He’s a jolly good fellow, but needs some one to keep him 
straight. I wonder if 1 had better undertake the job. 
{Looks at paper. Reads.) “The missing Prince. Prince 
Oscar Von Verhoeff of Eastphalia still missing. A mys¬ 
terious case for the police to solve.” They ought to have 
put a bell on him. ( Throws paper on table and crosses r. c.) 

{Enter Perkins, l.) 

Perkins {up l.). Beg your pardon, miss, but there’s a 
gentleman called to see you. 

Gertrude {down r c.). To see me? Here? He can’t 
see me here; this isn’t my house. 

Perkins. Gentleman by the name of Black, miss. Said 
his business was particularly important. Your chaperone 
sent him. 

Gertrude. Mrs. Trumball sent him ? That’s strange. 

Perkins. Here is the gentleman, miss. 

( Enter Oscar Von Verhoeff, quickly, up l. and comes 

dowfi l. c.) 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


9 


Gertrude. You ! 

{Exit Perkins, l.) 

Oscar ( putting hat and gloves on table , L. c.). I met 
your chaperone. She refused to give me your address. 
She’s a quick-witted old lady. 

Gertrude. She’s from the United States, where they 
breed wit. 

Oscar. You are a lovely sample. 

Gertrude. How did you learn of my presence here? 

Oscar. By accident. I saw you in a cab and followed 
you. I’m so delighted to see you. 

( Crosses to her , r. c., and offers hand.) 

Gertrude {hands behind her). I am not at all de¬ 
lighted to see you again. I hoped I had seen the last of 
you in Paris. 

Oscar. You are always chilly. You were in Paris. 

Gertrude. Yes. And if I had followed an American 
woman’s prerogative, I would have horsewhipped you for 
intruding yourself on me. ( She approaches him. He falls 
back two steps, r.) What do you mean by following me? 
(She approaches him. He falls back.) What do you mean 
by calling yourself Black? 

Oscar. What’s the matter with Black? 

Gertrude. But in Paris you told me your name was 
White. 

Oscar. My name is always White in Paris. 

Gertrude. And in Hamburg you called yourself Green. 

Oscar. Why not? Green is a pleasant color anywhere. 

Gertrude. Then stick to it—you look it. But you 
can’t be all three of them. 

Oscar. Why not ? I can. {Tenderly.) What’s in a 
name? Is the passion that consumes Green any less fer¬ 
vent in the form of White and less devoted in the shape of 
Black ? 

Gertrude {going l., fanning herself with handkerchief). 
Don’t begin that again. 

Oscar {advancing, c.). You aren’t a bit kind to me. 

Gertrude. I don’t want to be kind to you. 

Oscar. Who could be more devoted to you than I ? I 
follow you like your shadow. 


10 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Gertrude. That’s why I want to shake you. One gets 
tired of a shadow. 

Oscar. Didn’t I follow you from Berlin to Hamburg? 
Didn’t I follow you from Hamburg to Paris? Haven’t I 
followed you from Paris to London? And why? Why? 
To tell you that I love you. (. He advances quickly to her .) 

Gertrude. Once for all, 1 forbid you ever again to tell 
me you love me. 

Oscar. If you command, I must obey. (Bo7vs.) But 
bear in mind that everything I say to you has that one dear 
meaning and only that. If I say the day is fine, it means I 
love you. ( Each time he says “ I love you ,” he advances a 
step, arid Gertrude retreats o?ie until she goes back of 
sofa, r.) If I praise your pretty bonnet, it means I love 
you. (Business.) If I inquire after your health, it means 
I love you. (Business.) And if I offer you a cup of tea, 
that also means I love you. (Business.) 

Gertrude (laughing). You are no amateur in love- 
making, are you ? But you will make me angry in a 
moment. 

Oscar. Ah, don’t be angry. It’s such a waste of time 
—time that can be so pleasant while we are young and 
have warm hearts. (Takes her hand.) 

Gertrude (pulling away her hand). Let my hand 
alone, please, Mr. Green. 

Oscar (kneeling on sofa). Black, please. 

Gertrude. Why Black? 

Oscar. Black always, in London. 

Gertrude. Let me remind you, Mr. Black, that this is 
not my home, and that your presence here might be very 
embarrassing to me. 

Oscar. That means you want me- 

Gertrude. As we say in America,—there’s the door. 
(Points up l.) Beat it! 

(Oscar gets hat and gloves from table, l. c.) 

Oscar. Oh, well, if you insist. But it is rather hard to 
think that while so many other people are longing to see me, 
you are only longing to get rid of me. However, you will 
see me again. 

Gertrude. If I do, I’ll have you chained up. 

Oscar (c.). So— wherever you go, I shall go. I shall 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


II 


take every opportunity to throw myself metaphorically at 
your dainty feet. 

Gertrude ( impatiently ). Are you going? 

(She comes c.) 

Oscar. Au revoir. 

{Offers hand. Gertrude gives hers. He attempts to kiss 
her hand ; she snatches it away and laughs.) 

Gertrude. Au revoir. 

Oscar. Ah, a repulse is not a defeat. It is sometimes 
the prelude to a victory. I shall haunt the house—so, au 
revoir. 

(Exit up l.) 

Gertrude. This is going some. (Laughs.) To be 
loved by Green, White and Black. 

(Crosses L. and places hand-bag on table.) 

(Enter Polly up r.) 

Polly. Gertie, don’t say I’ve kept you waiting. 
Gertrude. I won’t—but you have. 

(Polly comes down c., zvhere Gertrude meets her.) 

Polly. Here I am at last. (They kiss.) Oh, Gertie, 
how nice you look. 

Gertrude. How nice you look, if it comes to that. 
And is this the new dress ? 

Polly. Isn’t it smart ? 

Gertrude. It is a corker. 

Polly. Eh ? 

Gertrude. I mean the dress is a dream. 

(They sit on sofa , r.) 

Polly. Thanks. Where’s your chaperone ? 

Gertrude. 1 escaped her, and came here to see- 

Polly. Me ? 

Gertrude (co?ifused). Well, yes,—and—how’s Harry? 
Polly. Oh, so Harry’s the attraction, not poor me. Do 

you really- 

Gertrude. I do. 




12 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Polly. Love Harry ! 

Gertrude. You’ve hit the bull’s eye. 

Polly (reaching up and taking her ha?ids). When did 
you first feel the sensation ? 

Gertrude. One morning after breakfast- 

Polly. Silly—I didn’t mean that. 

(She pulls Gertrude to k. end of sofa.) 

Gertrude (laughing). Neither did I. Harry and I 
first met- 

Polly. Y'es, go on. 

Gertrude. On my father’s ranch in Montana. 

Polly (excited). Among the wild bears and Indians? 

Gertrude. No, among civilized cowboys. 

Polly. Oh, this grows interesting. Tell me all about it. 

' Gertrude. One afternoon I was riding over the range, 
—when I reached Silver Creek 1 pulled up my broncho. 

I commenced to dream—I thought no one was near. I was 

singing- 

Polly (breaking i?i). Yes, yes—go on. 

Gertrude. When I heard an echo. It was a man’s 
voice, strong and clear. 1 looked up and saw- 

Polly (excited). Yes—you saw- 

Gertrude. Harry ! He gazed into my eyes—through 
them, as if to read my heart. 

Polly (excited). And you? 

Gertrude. Well, I looked at him. 

Polly (relaxing her excitement — disappointed). Was 
that all ? 

Gertrude. It was enough. We met. I loved. Then 
came the parting. Suddenly my old dad conceived the idea 
to send me for a tour of Europe, to finish my education— 
accompanied by a chaperone. 

Polly. Lo and behold, Harry returns home. 

Gertrude. And he and I met by chance in London. 

Polly. But was it by chance ? 

Gertrude (finger to lips). That’s a secret. 

Polly. Harry’s awfully wretched. 

Gertrude (haughty). Oh, thank you. 

Polly. You know I didn’t mean because of you. It’s 
papa. He’d go mad if he knew Harry wanted to marry 
you. 

Gertrude, Would he bite? 







HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


x 3 


Polly. No, but he’d storm. 

Gertrude. I can stand it if Harry can. 

Polly. And he’d go mad if he thought I wished to 
marry any one less distinguished than a duke. That’s not 
my idea of love. I would marry the man I loved if he was 
a day laborer and hadn’t a shilling in the world. 

Gertrude. And be turned out of the house by your 
father ? He’s ambitious for his children. 

Polly. Too much so. I laugh at him. He’s only a 
retired soap-maker, and he aspires to be lord mayor of London. 

(Rises, crosses to table, l. c., takes up mirror .) 

Gertrude. Will he ever get there? (Follows, l. c.) 

Polly. Not at the rate he’s going. He doesn’t make 
himself popular. We can’t break into society. Papa 
doesn’t shine in London. 

Gertrude. Neither does the sun. 

Polly. Papa is so cross with me—says Pm too slow. 
Am I slow ? 

(She rises on her toes, holds mirror before her, looks at her- 

self at different angles .) 

Gertrude. You don’t look it. 

Polly (bowing). Thanks. 

(Laughs, places mirror o?i table, and comes c.) 

Gertrude. Don’t mention it. 

Polly. Papa says Harry’s too fast. 

Gertrude. He’s just my gait. 

Polly (poi?iti?ig to door, r.). It was one of his nights 
last night. 

Gertrude. What, another ? 

Polly (gravely). Yes. I heard him say to Perkins he 
was going to “shoot up the town.” What did he mean? 

Gertrude. That is an expression used by our cowboys. 
(Laughs.) Harry hasn’t forgotten Montana. 

Polly. Dear knows when he came in, and dear knows 
when he’ll get up. And it does make papa so angry. 

(Daniel Truckerman heard off up l., very loud.) 

Daniel. Where is everybody ? Where is everybody ? 

Polly. I think I hear papa. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


H 

Gertrude. There’s something doing. I’ll be moving. 

(Starts up c.) 

Daniel {outside). Where’s everybody ? Where’s every¬ 
body ? 

Polly. Papa’s voice sounds peevish. 

Gertrude. He’s got a grouch. 

Polly. Run into my room. 

Gertrude {going to door up r.). And wait till the 
storm is over ? 

{Exit, up r.) 

{Enter Daniel, up l. He comes down l. c.) 

Daniel (l. c.). I won’t stand it any longer, I won’t—I 
say 1 won’t. 

Polly (r. c., meekly'). What’s the matter, papa? 

Daniel {snappishly). Everything’s the matter. Bah ! 
{Growls.) Everything is combined to exasperate me. 
Where is that blackguard son of mine? 

Polly {sitting on sofa , r.). I don’t know, papa. 

Daniel. Don’t know, miss ! Thei) I do. He’s still in 
his room at midday—at midday. But my patience is ex¬ 
hausted. I’ll put an end to it. {Goes up c.) 

Polly. What will you do, papa? 

Daniel. Do ! I’ll turn the young scoundrel out of 
doors bag and baggage. He shan’t waste my money in 
riotous living any longer. 

Polly. Oh, papa ! {Rises.) 

Daniel {turning savagely). Don’t ‘‘Oh, papa” me. 
{Co?nes down l. c.) Nothing goes right with me, nothing, 
Polly. {Sits l. c.) 

Polly {going to him , her eyes full of mischief). We 
don’t exactly get on, do we, papa? 

Daniel ( groiuling). Get on ! I do everything that a 
man of taste, wealth and position can do. I’ve given no 
end of parties ; nothing but parties, parties—parties. 

Polly. But it’s no use giving parties when nobody 
comes to them. That is, nobody that is anybody. 

Daniel {rising and speaking loud. Polly retreats — 
mock fear). I’ll make them ! I don’t know how, but I’ll 
do it. They shall learn to love me yet! {He goes up c.) 

Polly. Is the game worth the candle, papa ? 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


15 


Daniel ( coming down l. c.). Certainly, miss, certainly. 
Life would be dull without game and dark without candles. 
There’s something of the Napoleon in me, my girl. Have 
you ever noticed my resemblance to Napoleon ? 

Polly ( sitting r.). It’s rather a distant resemblance, 
isn’t it, papa ? 

Daniel. I call it striking. I know what I owe to our 
position in society. 

Polly. But we haven’t any position in society. 

Daniel. Yes, we have; at least we shall have—though 
sometimes Pve half a mind to run away from it all like the 
young fellow I read of in the papers this morning. 

Polly. What —young fellow ? 

Daniel. I forget his name—the Prince of Something or 
other. (Takes up paper.) Yes, here we are. (Reads.) 
The Prince of Eastphalia. (Polly crosses to him and takes 
paper.) Don’t grab! The money I’ve wasted on your 
education ! 

Polly (reading). The Prince of Eastphalia, Oscar Von 
Verhoeff, still missing. A mysterious case for the police to 
solve. His Royal Highness is said to have disappeared 
from his kingdom. Nobody knows where he has gone, or 
why. His escapade is the talk of Europe. 

Daniel. Perhaps I’ll astonish Europe, too, some day—■ 
when they read in the papers that Daniel Truckerman dis¬ 
appeared. Perhaps they’ll be sorry they didn’t make more 
of him while they had the chance. (Crosses l. and up C. ) 

Polly. Papa, you mustn’t be pusillanimous. 

Daniel. Mustn’t be what, miss? 

Polly. Pusillanimous. 

Daniel (sighing). And the money I spent on her edu¬ 
cation ! 

Polly. You will succeed some time, papa. 

Daniel. Well, I don’t get much help from my family. 

Polly. Oh, papa ! 

Daniel (impatiently). Don’t “ Oh, papa ” me. There’s 
that blackguard boy of mine with his running away to 
America—his running back home again. His mixing with 
them vulgar Americans instead of falling in with dukes. 

Polly (taking flower from table , l. c., and putting it in 
his buttonhole ). But he doesn’t know any dukes. 


( Comes down extreme L.) 


i6 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Daniel. Isn’t that what I’m complaining of? He only 
knows them Americans. He’s an idiot. ( Picks up mirror .) 

Polly. Not quite an idiot, papa. 

Daniel ( gazing moodily in glass). Don’t tell me. I 
ought to know an idiot when I see one. 

Polly. What are you looking at, papa ? 

Daniel ( seehig the point, puts down mirror; a?igry). 
That, to her father, after the money I spent on her educa¬ 
tion ! (Polly laughs and crosses R., throwing herself on 
sofa . Daniel, c.) Don’t laugh. I won’t have it. You 
are acting like your brother. When I spoke to him about 
gallivanting around with that American woman, he laughed 
at me and said, “ Dad, ring off.” 

Polly. And did you? 

Daniel. Not I. I read a riot act to him. I won’t 
have him following after that woman. I want him to soar 
higher—a countess or a duchess. 

Polly. But that American lady is dainty, pretty and 
sweet, and she’s awfully rich. 

Daniel. What good is that to me? (Sits l. c.) I’ve 
got money—bags of money, barrels of money. I don’t 
want money—1 want blood. Americans ain’t got blood. 

Polly. Now, papa, don’t be absurd. 

Daniel. What? 

Polly. Don’t be absurd. 

Daniel. Absurd, from her ! And the money I spent 
on her education ! 

Polly. I’m going to practice my dance. I’m getting 
on splendidly, but there’s one twirl (doing a step ) 1 can’t 
manage. Perhaps I’ll get it yet. If I do (going to Daniel, 
pats his face), and if you are a good dear papa, maybe I’ll 
let you see it. 

Daniel (hissing her). Well, you ain’t a bad girl, but 
your tastes are low. (Rises.) Why don’t you want to soar 
as I do, into the azure vault of the upper circles? 

Polly (c.). I don’t know, papa. 

Daniel. Neither do I. How do they get hold of the 
nobs? 1 will go into the library and think it over. 

(Exit, l.) 

Polly (laughing). I wish poor papa wouldn’t worry 
himself so much, but make life pleasanter for himself and 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS IJ 

others. Oh, I forgot all about Gertie. She must think me 
horrid, keeping her waiting. 

{Exit, up r.) 

{Etiter Perkins and Oscar, up l.) 

Perkins ( protesting ). But, sir, the young lady is not 
here. 

Oscar. Don’t worry. This time I come to see Mr. 
Truckerman—you understand? Not Miss Dainty. Mr. 
Truckerman. {Aside.) Though what I am to say to him, 
heaven only knows. {Comes down c.) 

Perkins. Oh, excuse me, sir, but might you be coming 
after the secretaryship? 

Oscar. I beg your pardon? 

Perkins. Were you applying to be the new secretary ? 
If you do, don’t. 

Oscar. What do you mean ? 

Perkins. It’s not a pleasant post, sir—take my word for 
it—he’s always having new secretaries and always kicking 
them out. 

Oscar. Jolly old gentleman, isn’t he? 

Perkins {coming down l. c.). I’ve seen six, in the last 
six weeks, and I know what I am talking about. 

Oscar {aside). By Jove, it’s an idea. {To Perkins.) 
Yes, I want to be the new secretary. 

{Hands Perkins card.) 

Perkins. Then I’m sorry for you. {Shakes head.) 
Very sorry for you, sir. 

{Exit, l.) 

Oscar {putting hat and gloves on table, l. c.). What a 
chance, what a lark. I, Prince Oscar Von Verhoeff, a 
private secretary—to a parvenue millionaire. I shall apply 
for it. I shall get it, and 1 shall see her every day. 

(Gertrude appears up r. ; looks back through door.) 

Gertrude. Back in a minute, Polly. I left my chate¬ 
laine on the table. I have something to show you. (Oscar, 
071 hearing her voice, goes up c. Gertrude enters, comes 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


18 

down l. c., takes bag , turns to go up r., faces Oscar.) You, 
again ? 

Oscar. Yes, I, again. I told you it was only au revoir. 
Gertrude ( determinedly ). Now listen to me, Mr. Black, 
Green, White. 

Oscar. I could listen to you forever. 

Gertrude. Hold your tongue. If you behave like this, 
I shall tell the servants not to admit you. 

Oscar. Pray pardon me, but as you said, this is not 
your house- 

Gertrude. Therefore you must not come to see me 
in it. 

Oscar. But I am not here to see you. I am here to see 
Mr. Truckerman. Surely you would not prevent me from 
paying a visit to Mr. Truckerman ? 

Gertrude. Shall I tell you something? 

Oscar {eagerly). Anything. 

Gertrude. You are what we call in the States a 
“masher.” The average American girl, when she runs up 
against one, hands him a swift punch, —and if I had not the 

sweetest disposition in the world- 

Oscar. You have. 

Gertrude. I would give you a jab on the face—as it is, 
I simply leave you. 

(Exit, up r.) 

Oscar. The angel has a temper of her own, but it only 
adds to her enchantment. ( Comes down r.) 

(Enter Daniel, l., with card in hand, preceded by Perkins.) 
Perkins. This is the gentleman, sir. 

(Exit, up l.) 

Daniel (corning down l., and looking at card). Mr. 
Black—Mr. Black. Hey, young feller, are you Black? 

Oscar (turning). Of course, that’s my name. Good¬ 
morning. 

Daniel (front of table, l. c.). Morning to you, sir. 
What might be your business ? 

Oscar. I hear you w'ant a private secretary. 

Daniel. I am always wanting a private secretary. I’ve 
had six in as many weeks. 





HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


19 


Oscar. Indeed! 

Daniel. Said they couldn’t stand my manners. 

Oscar. How astonishing. 

Daniel. Wasn’t it? Are you after the job? 

Oscar. That was my idea. 

Daniel. I guess you’ll do, Mr. Black. Of course you 
know something about the upper ten—the swells—the nobs. 
I suppose you have good references? 

Oscar. The highest. 

Daniel. I shall expect nothing less than a marquis or an 
earl. 

Oscar. I can oblige you. 

Daniel. Well, I don’t mind giving you a show. ( Looks 
at Oscar, puffs up.') What’s the good of a lot of money in 
the bank and nobody to visit you? I like the swells, but 
the swells don’t like me. 

Oscar ( sympathetically ). Is it possible? 

Daniel. It don’t look human, but it is a fact. I’ve 
spent money with both hands, but to no good. Well, if you 
can think of any way to get the swells to come to my house, 
it will be the best day’s work you ever did. Come into the 
library and we’ll talk it over. 

Oscar. By all means. 

( They go l. Oscar is unco?isciously going to pass Daniel, 

who stops him.) 

Daniel ( proudly ). Excuse me—after me—if you please. 

Oscar (drawing back, bowitig). I beg your pardon. 

Daniel (at door , consideringly). Granted. But I like 
my domestics to know their place. Tell the servant I want 
to see my son as soon as he is awake. 

(Exit, l.) 

Oscar (laughing). I’m not surprised the others didn’t 
stay. (Rings bell.) What would the world say if they 
knew the Prince of Eastphalia was acting as a private secre¬ 
tary to a retired soap maker ? It’s an awful lark. Ah, my 
little American beauty, you’ll find I am not so easy to get 
rid of. 

(Enter Perkins, up l.) 

Perkins. I beg your pardon, but have you succeeded in 
getting the position ? 



20 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Oscar. I have. 

Perkins. Then you have my sincere sympathy. 

Oscar {laughing). Thank you, Perkins. Oh, Mr. Truck- 
erman wishes to be informed when his son is awake. 

{Exit, l.) 

Perkins {shaking head). When he is awake! That 
means I had better call him now. 

{Goes to door, r., peeps in, then k?iocks timidly .) 

Harry Truckerman {heard off r.). Get away from that 
door! 

{Door stands partly ope?i.) 

Perkins {jumping away , then timidly knocking agaiii). 
I beg your pardon, sir. 

Harry (off r.). Never beg a man’s pardon. Give him 
an upper-cut. 

Perkins. Your father is asking for you, sir. 

Harry {off r.). What time is it ? 

Perkins. Twelve o’clock, sir. 

Harry {off r.). Morning or evening ? 

Perkins. Morning, sir. 

(Harry appears r. He wears a crumpled evening dress ; 

has all the appearance of a man who has had a wild 

night. He's a little shaky.) 

Harry. .Holy mackerel—twelve in the morning ! Per¬ 
kins, get me some coffee, will you ? Step lively ! 

Perkins. Yes, sir. I have it all ready, sir. 

{Exit, l.) 

Harry {slightly staggering to sofa down r. ; seated, 
head in hand). Last night was a world-beater. I haven’t 
the slightest idea how 1 got home. The last I remember 
was going into the cafe of the Hotel Cecil with the gang 
about eleven o’clock, and then— {hand to head, singing) “I 
was afraid to go home in the dark.” 

(Enter Perkins, l., with tray, coffee, etc.) 

Perkins. Your coffee, sir. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


2 l 


(Places cup o?i small table, which he draius in front of sofa, 

pours coffee, etc.) 

Harry. Hand me the cup. ( Lies on sofa.) 

Perkins. Have you been in bed, sir? 

Harry. Do I look it? 

Perkins ( handing coffee). You do not, sir. You slept 
in your clothes. 

Harry ( drinking coffee). That helps some. (. Braces 
up.) Perkins, do you see anything the matter with me? 
Perkins. Well, sir, you do look a bit seedy. 

Harry. I feel it. And then some. Perkins, there’s a 
strange man in my room. 

Perkins. Dear, dear, he’s got ’em. Come, sir, pull 
yourself together. 

Harry ( indignantly ). Do you think Pm drunk ? 
Perkins. I think you have been on a bit of a racket, sir. 
Harry. A racket ? It was a wild west. I saw a 
strange man in my dressing-room just now, in uniform. 

Perkins (going r.). I’ll have a look, sir. ( Turns and 
looks at Harry.) Poor young man ! 

(Exit, r.) 

Harry. What did I do last night ? (Puts hand to 
head.) No, it’s no use trying to think with this thing. 

(Enter Perkins, r.) 

• 

Perkins (coming dow?i r. c.). There’s a gentleman in 
there, sir, and he’s in uniform. 

Harry (sighing, relieved). Thank goodness, Pm not 
daffy. What is he doing? (Rises and crosses down l.) 

Perkins. At this moment he’s playing poker, right hand 
against the left. 

Harry. I mean, how in the deuce did he get here? 
Perkins. Says you invited him, sir. 

Harry. Never mind. Turn him out — tell him to go to 

Madagascar. 

(Enter Charles Sumner, r. Pie is dressed in a colonel's 
uniform with sword. He shows signs of a night's spree , 
but not so much as Harry. He is of easy carriage and 
cool affability.) 


22 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Charles. You are a deuce of a fellow. 

Harry. And you are a cool one. 

Charles. It’s quite natural. (Indicates coffee.') Have 
I your permission ? 

Harry. Perkins, serve the gentleman. 

Perkins. Yes, sir. 

( Gets cup and serves coffee to Charles.) 

Harry. How did you get here ? 

Charles ( down r.). You invited me. 

Harry ( down l. c.). 1 must have been a bit off. 

Charles. You were—and you imagined you were shoot¬ 
ing up the cafe. You got in a row—1 got you out of it. 

Harry. The deuce you say ! Perkins, you are excused. 

Perkins. Very well, sir. 

(Picks up tray, cups, etc., and exit, up L.) 

Harry. So you are my guest ? 

Charles ( sitting on sofa down r.). An honored one. 
You are a holy terror. Last night you attempted to thrash a 
number of swells. The odds were against you. I believe 
in fair play—I came to your rescue. We carried off the 
honors. Out of gratitude for my assistance, you invited me 
home with you. You asked me to spend a week. I de¬ 
clined. A month—I declined—a year—I accepted. 

Harry. Say, I was crazy, wasn’t I ? 

Charles. I must admit, in all my experience, I never 
met but one like you, and he was an American, a cowboy. 

Harry. I’ve been one. 

Charles. I thought so. But you are English? 

Harry. Yes. 

Charles. And your name? 

Harry ( sitting on table, L. c.). Truckerman. Harry 
Truckerman. 

Charles. Naturally—you desire to know who’s your 
friend ? 

Harry. Meaning you ? 

Charles. Meaning me. 

Harry ( laughing ). You are such a cool, affable fellow. 
You have aroused my curiosity. 

Charles. Call me by any name you will, and I’ll an¬ 
swer to it. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


23 


Harry. Your uniform indicates that- 

Charles [on sofa , r.). I am—what I am not. Last 
night before I met you 1 was at a masked ball. It amused 
me to play the part of an officer in a crack regiment. 

Harry. Why ? 

Charles. Why ? Oh—because I love uniforms— like a 
woman. [Laughs.) And believe me, I had some fun as 
a Colonel of the Eastphalia Hussars. 

[Bell rings off l.) 

[Enter Perkins, up L.) 

Perkins (c.). Did you ring, sir? 

Harry. No, it was in the library. 

[Exit Perkins, l.) 

Charles. So you have a father ? 

Harry. Have I a father ? Wait till he sees you. 

Charles. I am ready and eager for the fray. [Rises.) 

[Enter Perkins, l.) 

Perkins (c.). Excuse me, sir, your father says if you 
don’t come and see him in five minutes he’ll come and see 
you. 

Harry. I see a war cloud. Has he a fit ? 

Perkins. Well, sir, he is often a little hasty, but I never 
saw him froth at the mouth before. You are in for it, sir. 

[Exit, up 'Ll) 

Harry. I guess I am. 

Charles. What’s the matter, dear boy? Does the gov¬ 
ernor cut up rough ? 

Harry. He never fails to let you know who’s the boss. 
He swore he’d kick me out of the house and cut me off 
without a shilling if I ever made a night of it again. 

Charles. Unnatural parent. Why do elderly gentle¬ 
men never remember the days and nights of their youth ? 

Harry [going r.). What the mischief will the governor 
say when he finds you here? 

Charles [seated on arm of sofa , r.). I presume he’ll 
be charmed to see me. 



24 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Harry. He’ll yell like an Indian—that’s what he’ll do. 
I’m up against it. (Goes up c.) 

Charles. My dear fellow, you don’t do justice to your 
powers of discrimination, 1 assure you. I regard your taste 
in friends as altogether admirable. 

Harry (coming down c.). I might defend my own con¬ 
duct, but how can 1 explain you ? 

Charles. I explain myself. Even the least intellectual 
eye must know me for what 1 am. 

Harry. But hang it now—how can I account for you ? 

Charles. You are my host—that is your affair. 

Harry. Say, why can’t you cut it and run? 

Charles. Run? You mean leave the house hurriedly? 

Harry. Yes. 

Charles. My dear fellow, I never ran in my life. Be¬ 
sides, I’m your guest for a year. 

Harry. If father runs up against you, I’ll be kicked 
out—cut off without a shilling. Then good-bye to the 
sweetest little girl in the world, for I can’t marry her if I’m 
broke. 

Charles. So there’s a woman in the case? 

Harry. Yes. That’s the reason I want to keep my feet 
under father’s table till I marry her—of course with his con¬ 
sent, blessing and a large bank roll. She’s an American 
heiress. 

Charles. I should be pleased to assist you. 

Harry (going up c.). But you won’t run. 

Charles. Never. Why ? There are several reasons. 
I like you. I am a gentleman, and a gentleman never runs. 
I love adventure. I see one before me, and I want to be of 
service to you. 

Harry (coming down c.). And so you shall. I have it 
—say you are somebody interesting. 

Charles. That’s no lie. (Crosses l. c.) 

Harry. I have it. You say you like playing parts. 
Play some part that will get me out of this scrape. Imper¬ 
sonate some one important. 

Charles. Delighted to oblige you, but who? 

Harry. Any one who is in the public eye. A big 
swell. 

Charles. Whoever you please. What do you say to 
the Prime Minister? 

Harry. Father has seen him. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


25 


Charles. Then the American Ambassador ? 

Harry ( disgusted ). Oh, be practical. 

Charles {picking up paper'). Haven’t the slightest idea. 
Hullo—what’s this? {Reads.) The missing prince. 
(Harry grabs paper.) Thanks—dear boy. I like your 
home better than your manners. 

Harry {looking at paper). Have you ever heard of 
Prince Oscar Von Verhoeff of Eastphalia? 

Charles. Everybody has heard of Prince Oscar of East¬ 
phalia. The erratic prince, he is called. Always in love— 
always in scrapes, always in debt, always in good spirits. 
Lucky chap. 

Harry. I’ve struck it. Look here—he’s disappeared— 
nobody knows where he’s gone to. I’ll tell the governor 
you’re Prince Oscar of Eastphalia. 

Charles. He’d never believe it. 

Harry. Yes he would, and I’ll say we are chums. 

{Takes Charles’ arm.) 

Charles. Yes—birds of a feather. 

(Daniel heard off l.) 

Harry. The idea is a corker. The old man will go 
wild to meet a prince. 

Charles. You are my partner in crime—a sport of the 
first water, and if it will help you win the girl you love, why 
hang me, I’ll do it. 

Harry. You will? Put it there. {They shake hands.) 
He’s coming. There’s not a moment to lose. Don’t for¬ 
get who you are. {Goes down l.) 

Charles. All right—I am Oscar, Prince of Eastphalia 
to the manor born. 

{Goes R. and stretches himself on sofa.) 

{Enter Daniel, l., furious.) 

Daniel. So there you are, you young rascal. Get out 
of my house at once. 

Harry {at table down l. c.). My dear father, what is 
the matter? I thought you would be pleased to see me this 
morning. 

Daniel {angry). Pleased ! Ha—you defy my orders. 
You spend my money in riotous living—you go out when the 


26 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


sun sets and come in when it rains. ( Points to Charles.) 
And you bring other reprobate companions with you— the 
very last time. (Up c.) Out you go. 

Harry. Father, you forget yourself. This gentleman is 
no reprobate. 

Daniel ( coming down c.). He must be if he associates 
with you. You are friendly only with the riff-raff. Speak 
up—who is your friend ? 

Harry. Why—he is- 

Daniel. Out with it, you jabbering jackanapes. 

» i 

(Raises hand angrily.) 

Harry ( dramatically). Strike me, but hear me. This 
is the Prince of Eastphalia—the missing prince. 

Daniel ( thunderstruck — pause). The—the—the miss¬ 
ing prince! 

Harry. He is missing no longer—he is found, and I 
have found him. Your Royal Highness, may I be per¬ 
mitted to present my father ? 

Charles ( gazing at Daniel up and dow7i coldly , then 
extending hand). We are very pleased to see him. 

Daniel. The Prince of Eastphalia—the missing prince? 

Charles ( sitting up). Hush—to you and your charm¬ 
ing son, I am what you call me, but for the rest of the world, 
I am traveling strictly incognito. Sh ! Secrets of state, my 
dear sir. Secrets of state ! But my chance meeting with 
your son last night developed into such a friendship that I 
could not conceal my identity from him. Sh ! 

(Harry and Charles put fingers to lips and repeat Sh / 

Harry bows to Charles, who returns it gravely. 

Harry laughs , aside.) 

Daniel (in open-mouthed astonishment—whispers in 
amazement). You are the Prince of Eastphalia? 

Charles (affably). At your service. (Rises, comes c.) 

Daniel. Here—Harry, my boy—you go outside and 
play a bit. 

Harry. But, father, I want to talk to his Royal High¬ 
ness. 

Daniel. I want to chat with his Royal Highness alone. 
Get out. 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 27 

(Daniel pushes Harry, r. and comes do7tm. Charles crosses 
down l. c. Daniel bows three times , backing.) 

{Exit Harry, r.) 

Daniel. Your Royal Highness—I’ve never had much 
to do with a prince. 

Charles {doiuti l. c.). So I perceive. 

Daniel (< disappointed ). You do ! How? 

Charles. By your manner. 

Daniel. Ah, your Royal Highness, it seems too familiar. 

Charles {sitting at table down l., and light big a cigar¬ 
ette ). I permit it. 

Daniel. Well, your Royal—I mean—well, sir, I’m a 
man of business. Be my guest for a week. You’ll be com¬ 
fortable—showy house—slap up wine cellar, best of every¬ 
thing, only say yes. 

Charles {down l., rising , embarrassed). My dear sir, 
I’m afraid it’s impossible for me to oblige you. 

Daniel (c., imploringly). Oh, don’t say that—your 
Royal—sir, say anything you like except that. 

Charles. It’s quite out of the question. 

{Enter Polly, up r. She wears a long dancing skirt.) 

Polly. Oh, papa, I can do it at last. Just see. {She 
does a few steps before her father. Does a twirl down r. 
and faces Charles with a high kick. Sees Charles, stops 
with a gasp of surprise.) Good gracious ! {Runs off , up R.) 

Charles {eagerly). I say, who was that ? 

Daniel. My daughter Polly, sir. 

Charles {aside). By Jove—that alters things. {Aloud.) 
Well, of course, if you really wish me to be your guest- 

Daniel, it would be the pride of my life to entertain a 
prince. 

Charles. Then I must not refuse you. 

{Offers hajid — Daniel dries to kiss it , bows.) 

Daniel. You make me the happiest man in London. 

Charles {graciously). But pray present your charming 
daughter. I must apologize for disturbing a dance that 
promised to be so delightful. 

Daniel. I fly, your Royal Highness, I fly. 




28 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


(Bows, goes up R. and off.") 

Charles. Well, Charles Sumner, you’ve done some 
queer things in your time, my boy, but this is the queerest 
of the lot. Well, I’d do a good deal for the sake of that 
girl’s face. Jove, how pretty she is ! 

(Enter Harry, r. Comes down C.) 

Harry. Where’s the old man? 

Charles. He’s not here, as you see. 

Harry. Did he swallow the bait? 

Charles. Hook and all. 

Harry. You’re a trump. 

Charles. I’m now playing for a heart. 

Harry. You helped me out of a hole, and I’m much 
obliged to you. 

Charles. I begin to think I’m much obliged to you. 

Harry. We had better have luncheon, or rather break¬ 
fast, before you go. 

Charles. I’m not going. 

Harry. No ? 

Charles. No— your father has been good enough to 
invite me to be his guest for a week. 

Harry. Say, old fellow, you’re a brick. But you can’t 
accept. 

Charles. Why not ? 

Harry. He thinks you are a prince. 

Charles. You told him so. 

Harry. That was a gentle prevarication. 

Charles. Then keep it up. You are good at it. 

Harry. You can go some yourself. But the governor— 
why, he’s got a heart big as an ox, and, hang it, it’s a 
shame to impose on him. 

Charles. The game has begun. 

Harry. But it must end. 

Charles. Certainly. After it has brought happiness to 
all concerned. I shall play the prince well enough. I 
shall make your father happy, you and myself, and when 
the time comes to end the game, 1 shall retire gracefully— 
to Eastphalia. 

Harry. And if the governor wakes up and finds he has 
been stung—I’ll take to the woods. (Sits on sofa , r.) 

Polly (outside). So it is true, papa? 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


29 


Daniel {outside). It is, my child. 

Charles. They are coming, my boy. I'm a prince— 
you cannot remain seated in my presence. 

Harry {rising, disgusted). That’s the limit. 

{Enter Daniel, up r., leading Polly. Gertrude appears 
at door up r. Perkins at door up l. Harry joins 
Gertrude.) 

Daniel (coming down r. with Polly). Will your Royal 
Highness allow me to present my daughter ? 

(Polly courtesies. Charles bows. Daniel bows low. 
Oscar enters l., letter in hand. Charles crosses to 
Polly.) 

Oscar (coming to l. c.). Oh, Mr. Truckerman, I can’t 
make out this letter. 

Daniel {going to him quickly ). Sh—sh —bow, bow. 
Oscar. Bow ! Bow ! What’s the matter? 

Daniel {indicating Charles, who is talking to Polly 
down R.). This is Prince Oscar of Eastphalia, the missing 
prince. 

Oscar {surprised). Prince Oscar of Eastphalia ! Well 
—I’ll—be—hanged ! 

(Daniel goes up r. and brings down Gertrude and Harry, 
who bow to Charles. Daniel and Polly also bow to 
Charles. Perkins, in door up l., bows. Oscar looks 
a moment at the group around Charles, theft falls laugh¬ 
ing in chair down l. c.) 

curtain 


Picture at fall of curtain : 

Perkins 

Daniel 

Gertrude 

Harry 

Polly Oscar 

Charles 


ACT II 

SCENE.— Same set . 

(As curtain rises Oscar enters l., reading paper.) 

Oscar (down l., reading ). “The whereabouts of his 
Royal Highness, Prince Oscar of Eastphalia, is no longer a 
secret. His Royal Highness is in London, the guest of one 
of our most prominent millionaires, Mr. Daniel Trucker- 
man, in his princely home in Park Lane.” Well, it’s a mad 
world, and this is its maddest corner. (Puts paper on table.) 
But nothing matters, so long as 1 am free and independent. 
(Goes r.) I’ll just be calm. Nobody in Eastphalia need 
know I am here—nobody in London need doubt it. 

(Enter Daniel and Harry, up l. Daniel has arm around 

Harry.) 

Daniel. My boy—my boy, you have redeemed your¬ 
self. 

(Daniel puts hat and coat on chair up l., and conies 

down l.) 

Harry (up c.). Thanks. I’m glad to have done some¬ 
thing. 

Daniel (briskly). Ah, Mr. Black, how much a father 
can be mistaken in his offspring. 

Oscar (crossing l.). I’ve heard so. 

Daniel ( proudly ). He’s a chip of the old block. I’m 
proud of him. Mr. Black, only yesterday I looked upon 
that son of mine as a blackguard only fit to run after vulgar 
Americans and throw away my money. Instead of that he 
has been in the inner circle among the nobs, and has picked 
up a prince for a companion, and what a prince—the most 
prominent personage in Europe at this moment—the man 
whom everybody is waiting to find, and my boy found him. 

Oscar. So you found him? (To Harry.) 

Harry (coming down r.). I’ve been told so. 

Oscar. Quite a find. 

Harry. Rather—a surprise to me. 

3 ° 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


3 1 


Oscar. You have been to the States ? 

Harry. Yes. I was a cowboy in Montana. 

Oscar (c.). You like the Americans? 

Daniel ( down l.). Eh? What’s that. Black, about 
Americans ? Don’t let me hear of them again. Nothing but 
the blue blood of old England is good enough for my son. 

Oscar. I rather admire your son’s taste. The Amer¬ 
icans are very clever people. 

Daniel. You’re a fool. 

Oscar. Thanks. ( Bows .) 

Daniel. I don’t want to hear your thanks. That boy 
of mine drops those Americans and sticks to royalty or I’ll 
drop him. 

Oscar. What will the prince say? 

Daniel. Black, you’re a bit forward at times. Leave 
that to me and my boy. 

Oscar. I submit gracefully to your command. 

Daniel. Drop those fine speeches and get me my hat 
and coat. I’m going around to the club. 

Oscar. The club ? 

(.Hesitates a moment, the?i goes up and gets coat; assists 
Daniel to put it on ; also gives hat. ) 

Daniel. Yes. The Monarchical. They had the bad 
taste to blackball me at the Carlton and the Reform. 

Oscar. Bad taste ? I should say so. 

Daniel. Quite so. Well, I want to make the men at 
the Monarchical a bit envious of my luck. They have 
always been so patronizing up to now. But before I go I 
want a little chat with you about the ceremonial incidental 
to the entertainment of a prince. I think you told me you 
knew all about it. 

Oscar. Well, a little. 

Daniel. You said you knew a lot about it. Step this 
way. No time like the present. I’ve given his Royal 
Highness the best part of the house to himself, already, but 
I don’t want him to go back to Eastphalia and say he’s 
missed anything he’s been used to at home. 

Oscar. I am sure Prince Oscar will always cherish the 
brightest memories of his stay under your roof. 

Daniel. How do you know? Are you a mind reader? 
If he thinks so let him say it, not you, Mr. Black. You’re 
a bit too fresh for me. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


3 2 

Oscar {bowing). I beg your pardon. 

Daniel. You’re always begging something. You talk 
too much. Follow me. 

{Struts off , L. Oscar bows to him, smiles and exit, L.) 

Harry. Well, this is going some. If the old gentleman 
falls to the fact that he’s entertaining a bogus prince, good¬ 
night ! It will be farewell to Gertrude. ( Throws himself 
on sofa, r.) Not me—I’ll make a fight for the girl I 
love. {Seated in an attitude of deep thought.) 

{Enter Polly and Gertrude, up r. The four speeches 
following may be expressed in pantomime if preferred.) 

Polly. Look at poor Harry. 

Gertrude. What’s the matter with him? 

Polly. He has the “ dumps.” If he knew you were 
here he wouldn’t look like that. 

Gertrude. Well, I hope not. Let’s surprise him. 

{They creep down. Polly puts hands over Harry’s eyes ; 
Gertrude stands in front of him.) 

Polly. Who is it? 

Harry {impatiently). Don’t play the fool. I’m in no 
mood for fooling. 

Polly. You ungrateful fellow. I’ve got something 
pretty to show you. 

Harry. What is it ? 

Polly. Behold! 

{Removes hands. Harry faces Gertrude.) 

Harry. Gertrude! 

Gertrude {bowing). At your service. 

Harry. I was just thinking of you. 

Polly. You didn’t look pleasant. 

Gertrude. And your thoughts couldn’t have been of 
me. {Goes l.) 

Harry. They were, but- 

Polly. Never say but. But go in and win—she cares 
for you, you care for her, only you have lost your nerve. 
Never mind father. 

Harry. That’s your opinion. 

Polly. That’s a woman’s opinion, and women are 




HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


33 


always right. I knew you were hungry for a sight of Ger¬ 
trude. Yes, you are. So I thought a glimpse of Gertie 
would do you good, and here’s your medicine. 

(.Points to Gertrude.) 

Harry (kissing Polly). Polly, you are a wonder. 
(Goes l.) Gertrude, you are an angel. 

(Takes her hands; pause .) 

Polly. Go on, I won’t look. 

Harry. Look at what ? 

Polly. Don’t hesitate, or you lose. 

Harry. Lose ? 

Polly. Yes. If she is an angel, she’ll stand for one. 

Gertrude. One what ? 

Polly (going c.). One kiss. 

Gertrude. Oh, Polly! (Laughs.') 

Harry. I say, Polly, will you take a walk or go and 
play solitaire? I want to talk to Gertrude. 

Polly. A wise child knows when she’s not wanted. 
Shall I go, Gertrude? 

Gertrude. Well, I don’t want to drive you away, but 
if you happen to be going- 

Polly. Oh, 1 know how it is myself. I’ve had some 
experience and I’m going to have more. I’m off. Enjoy 
your love feast. (Runs up R. ; turns, holdmg up hands.) 
Bless you, my children. 

(Exit, up r., laughing.) 

Gertrude. She’s a tease. 

Harry. But true blue. 

Gertrude. Polly says you have a grouch. Tell me 
what it is. I am in a particularly gracious mood to-day. 
May I hear? (Sits down l.) 

Harry. I was blue, I admit. But I never was happier 
in my life than at this present moment; but I could be 
happier if—I could be happier- 

Gertrude (laughing). As happy as we were in the old 
days in Montana. 

Harry (sitting). They were happy days. 

Gertrude. Ah—I wish I were there now. 

Harry. With me? 






34 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Gertrude. That would be telling. Oh—no more Eng¬ 
land for me, I’m going back to the dear old West. I can’t 
stand it here, it’s too stuffy and starchy. 

Harry. Yes, things are rather stiff. 

Gertrude. I get so tired of the pomp and knee bend¬ 
ing. I just want to fly over the range on a broncho’s back 
and yell. 

Harry. Yes—but where do I come in ? 

Gertrude. I thought perhaps you would be there. 

Harry. How am 1 to get there ? . 

Gertrude. There are trains running and steamers cross¬ 
ing the Atlantic. 

Harry. But I am broke. 

Gertrude. Oh, what’s the difference ? I have plenty. 

Harry. But can’t you see- 

Gertrude {putting her hand on his shoulder). I can’t 
see anything but you. I can’t remember anything except 
the pledge I gave you out there in Montana. I gave you 
my love. 

Harry (taking her hands). Little girl, I cherish it more 
than my life. 

Gertrude ( shrugging her shoulders , turns her back to 
him , half pouting). You have a poor way of showing it. 

Harry (rising). What would you have me do? 

Gertrude (her head down, back to him—with the poi7it 
of her toe making a mark o?i floor). It is not a woman’s 
privilege to—to say. 

Harry. But it is a man’s privilege to ask, and I would 
ask you to marry me to-morrow, but for my poverty and 
honor. 

Gertrude. Your honor? 

Harry. Yes. You are wealthy. I have only that 
which my father, as long as I obey his commands, chooses 
to give me. Honor forbids me to take a mean advantage 
of your wealth. You could marry a title. 

Gertrude (turning and looking at him). Many an 
American girl has married a titled rogue and regretted it. 

Harry. Perhaps you will regret it, if you were to marry 
me. 

Gertrude. I’m willing to take the plunge. 

Harry (sighing). If I only dared. 

Gertrude. Don’t sigh over it. Let me do the sighing. 

Harry. But my poverty ? 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


35 


Gertrude. Oh, drop that poverty talk. Harry, I know 
you. Back again, on the ranch, you’ll make things hum. 
You’re a man, every inch of you. I am free—an independ¬ 
ent woman. I can marry when I please. I am willing to 
bank on you. ( Gives him her hands.') 

Harry. Gertrude—I’ll try never to let you regret it. 

(Kisses her.) 

Gertrude. Your father will buck like a Texas broncho. 

Harry. Don’t worry; I’ll take care of father. 

Gertrude. Now your fighting blood is up and you are 
my Harry. 


( They kiss. Polly appears up r.) 

Polly. Ahem! 

(Harry and Gertrude turn backs to audience , look at 

Polly. Polly laughs.) 

Gertrude. Polly, that’s mean of you. You were 
peeping. 

Polly. Never ! I was looking. Taking an observation, 
learning the art of love-making. Are you through ? 
Gertrude. We haven’t commenced. 

Polly. 'Pell that to a blind woman, not me. Gertie, if 
you can spare me a moment, I want you. 

Harry. Don’t leave the house till you see me again. 
I’m going to settle everything to-day. 

Gertrude. All right. 

(Gertrude goes tip r. She and Polly tneet , kiss and go 

off up R.) 

Harry. Now to get out of this mess. My first move 
will be to get rid of this false prince. ( Enter Perkins up 
l. ; crosses r.) Perkins, the very man. (To Perkins.) 
Perkins ! 

Perkins [coming down r.). Yes, sir. 

Harry. Are you a brave man ? 

Perkins. I’ve never run under fire. 

Harry. And would you serve me? 

Perkins. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, sir. 




3 6 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Harry. Then kick out of the house the man I brought 
home with me. 

Perkins. Then he isn’t a prince, after all ? 

Harry. No more than you are. 

Perkins. That looks bad. 

Harry. It does for me. 

Perkins. What can I do for you, sir, leaving out the 
kicking ? 

Harry. He must be got rid of, and I leave that to you. 
(Goes up c. ; turns.) Stop ! 

Perkins. 1 haven’t moved, sir. 

Harry. I have an idea. 

Perkins. Is it a kicking idea ? 

Harry {laughing'). No. We will drop the kicking. 
You shall come here, pretend to be the real Prince Oscar, 
and frighten this fellow away. 

Perkins. You couldn’t frighten him, sir, with a machine 
gun. 

Harry. No, but he’ll think you are the real prince and 
he’ll sneak away—afraid to face the music. 

Perkins. Do 1 look like a prince? 

Harry. Well, no, not particularly. We’ll jump in a 
cab and drive ’round to the costumer’s, rig you out in a uni¬ 
form and some whiskers- 

Perkins. Eh— whiskers ? 

Harry. Of course—you’ll have to have whiskers. 
Whiskers will make you look fierce. 

Perkins. I think 1 should look rather well in a uniform. 
Of course you will. 

But, sir, 1 don’t like the whiskers. 

Oh, you must have whiskers. 

But if master should learn of it, sir, and dis- 


Harry. 
Perkins. 
Harry. 
Perkins. 
charge me? 
Harry. 
Perkins. 
Harry. 
Perkins. 
Harry. 
Perkins. 
Harry. 
Perkins. 
PIarry. 


bury your grandmother 


I’ll take you to the States with me. 

Are you going back to America? 

I am. 

Then I’ll stick to you. 

Then we must hurry. 

Who will attend to my work? 

Oh, Wilkins can manage it for a few hours. 

But if Mr. Truckerman should ask for me? 

I’ll tell him that you have taken a holiday to 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


37 


Perkins. Do you think this man will sneak away, sir ? 

Harry. Of course he will. Come on, there’s no time 
to lose. 

(Harry goes up l. and exit.) 

Perkins (following ). I don’t like the whiskers. 

(Exit up l. ) 

( Enter Polly, up r., with book ; comes doiun r. Charles 

enters l.) 

Charles. Ahem ! 

Polly. Oh, you here? ( Goes up R.) 

Charles. Don’t run away from me, Polly. 

Polly. Don’t call me Polly, sir. 

Charles. Why not? 

Polly. It’s too familiar, or too condescending from you 
to me. ( Comes down r.) 

Charles ( coming down c.). Not at all. It’s one of the 
privileges of princes to call pretty girls by their pretty names. 
Polly is a very pretty rustic name for a very pretty girl. 

Polly ( putting book oji sofa , r.). May I leave you, 
sir ? 

Charles. No, you may not, dear. 

Polly (starting). Dear? 

Charles. You know it isn’t etiquette to leave a royal 
personage without permission. 

Polly. Is it etiquette for you to call me “ dear ” ? 

Charles. Of course it is, if you are dear to me. 

Polly. I think you are behaving very badly. 

(Sits on sofa , r.) 

Charles. How? 

Polly. In—in—well, in making love to me. You—you 
have been making love to me. 

Charles (c.). I hoped so. 

Polly. Then how dared you ! Y’ou’ve no right to. 

Charles. Since when have I lost the right to make love 
to a girl ? 

Polly. Since you married. 

Charles. Why—my dear child, I’m not married. 

Polly. Sir, for shame ! I have been reading the Alma¬ 
nac de Gotha. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


38 

Charles. Have you? Did it amuse you? 

Polly. Not at all, for it told me all about your marriage 
to Princess Maria, of Saarsburg. ( Takes book from sofa.) 

Charles ( half aside). By Jove, I forgot all about that. 

Polly. Sir! 

Charles. Are you sure I’m married? 

Polly ( handing him open book). Quite sure. 

Charles {reading). “Married June, 1901 —Princess 
Maria of Saarsburg—Katherine Gretchen Theresa Wil- 
helmina—Princess Von Verhoeff.” {Laughs.) Now, my 
dear child, I ask you, how could I remember being married 
to all those names ? 

Polly. It’s no laughing matter. Of course I know that 
being a prince, you could marry only a princess, but still it 
makes it worse to find you’ve already done so. 

Charles. Oh, Polly— do you think you could have 
cared for me a little bit? 

Polly. I shan’t tell you. 

Charles. Please tell me. 

Polly. I shan’t tell you. Oh, I wish you weren’t a 
stupid prince. 

Charles. Do you? Why? 

Polly. Oh, because—never mind. 

Charles. But I do mind. {Aside.) I will. [Puts book 
on table , L. c., and comes back , c.) My dear little Polly, I 
may be a stupid man, but I am not a stupid prince. 

Polly. I didn’t mean that you were stupid. 

Charles. I’m not a prince at all. 

Polly {gasping). What! {Rises, and retreats up r.) 

Charles. Now, listen to me—perhaps you’ll hate me 
when I’m done, but at least listen to me. I am not Prince 
Oscar Von Verhoeff of Eastphalia. 

Polly. You are not Prince Oscar Von Verhoeff? 

{Comes down back of sofa, r.) 

Charles. Not a bit of it. It all began in a joke to get 
your brother out of a scrape, but I assure you the joke 
wouldn’t have lasted five minutes if it hadn’t been for you. 

Polly. For me? 

Charles. Yes—when you came in dancing with your 
eyes shining and your cheeks burning. Why, you danced 
straight into my heart, and then I had to stay, whatever 
happened. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


39 


Polly. Are you telling me the truth ? 

Charles. Curiously enough—yes. 

Polly. How dreadfully disappointed poor papa will be. 

Charles. Never mind poor papa. Are you disap¬ 
pointed ? 

Polly ( back of sofa). It was very wrong of you. 

Charles. It was very wrong of me, yes—man is sin 
and flesh is but grass—and all the rest of it, but I’d do it 
all over again to be with you another day. I’d do anything 
else to be with you forever. 

Polly ( extending hands). Would you really? 

Charles. I should really. ( Takes her hand; kneels 
on sofa.) And will you try and like me a little bit ? 

Polly. No. 

Charles. Why not? 

Polly. Because I like you a great deal already. 

Charles fie lighted — they sit y. Ah! 

Polly (drawing back). Stop a bit— I don’t know whom 
I like now. Who are you ? 

Charles. Let me present myself. My name is Charles 
Sumner—the Hon. Charles Sumner. 

Polly. Oh—are you the brother of Lord Sumner ? 

Charles. Yes. But I’m afraid my brother, Lord Sum¬ 
ner, would cross the street rather than speak to me. And 
your father would prefer a reigning prince to a penniless 
younger son. 

Polly. But the question now is, how are you going to 
get out of this without hurting papa’s feelings? 

Charles. I wouldn’t hurt his feelings for the world. 
Let me think. By Jove, there’s a princess, you say ? 

Polly. The Almanac de Gotha says so—Princess Von 
Verhoeff. 

Charles. Of course, I forgot. The lady with all the 
names. How would it do for somebody to play the part of 
my princess, to turn up here, pretend to be very angry at 
my escape and carry me off into captivity ? 

Polly. That might be done, and I think I know the 
very girl to do it. 

Charles. Who ? 

Polly. Gertrude Dainty. (Rises.) 

Charles (rising). Who is Gertrude Dainty ? 

Polly. An American girl—my chum. 

Charles. Is she pretty ? 



40 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Polly (quickly). What does that matter to you ? 

Charles. Nothing—nothing. I was only thinking of 
your father. 

Polly ( going up r.). Well, 1 must go and ask Gertrude. 
Good-bye for the present. 

Charles. Good-bye. 

Polly (at door up r., turning and bowing low). Your 
Royal Highness. (Laughs and exit , up rA 

Charles (r. c., hands in pockets). By Jove, she’s a 
prize. 

' I 

(Enter Oscar, l. ; half laughing, do ion c. ; coughs.) 

Oscar. I trust your Royal Highness finds himself quite 
well to-day. 

Charles. Quite well, thank you. And you? 

Oscar. Quite well. 1 fear your Royal Highness does 
not remember me. 

Charles (a trifle nervous). Awfully sorry. I see so 
many people. 

Oscar. Oh, I am not surprised, but I was present at 
your Royal Highness’ coming of age. 

Charles (starting). The deuce you were ! 

Oscar. Yes, indeed, and 1 was also present at your 
Royal Highness’ marriage. 

Charles. The deuce ! 

Oscar. I know Eastphalig. pretty well, and the face of 
his Royal Highness is very familiar to me. (Bows low.) 

Charles (aside). By Jove, I believe—he believes it. 

Oscar (coming down c.). Would it be indiscreet of me 
to ask your Royal Highness why he has come here ? 

Charles. Not at all. There was a lady in the case. 

(Folds arms.) 

Oscar (folding arms). Oh—a lady in the case? 

(They are standing side by side facing audience.) 

Charles. Is there not always a lady in the case with 
Oscar of Eastphalia ? 

Oscar (dryly). ’I believe so. (Goes l.) 

Charles. I assure you I shouldn’t be here at all if it 
weren’t for the sweetest girl in the world. You’ll excuse 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


41 

me, but pressing business compels me to set a limit to my 
delight in your conversation. Good-day. 

Oscar. I will take my leave, your Royal Highness. 

Charles. No, thanks; don’t trouble. 

(. Exit, up r.) 

Oscar. What the deuce makes him do it? ( Takes 
cigarette from case, leaves case on table L. c., lights cigar¬ 
ette.) By Jove, if i could change places with him, whoever 
he is, I’d do it. ( Enter Perkins, up l. He has on uni¬ 
form similar to Charles’ in Act 7, but too large for him. 
Grotesque, fierce-looking moustache, which, during scene , 
gives him trouble to keep in place. He advances with at¬ 
tempted majesty, and standing on tiptoes , places one hand 
on Oscar’s shoulder. Oscar turns.) Hullo. {Laughs.) 
What do you want? 

Perkins. You don’t know me? 

Oscar. No. Who are you ? 

Perkins. 1 am Prince Oscar of Eastphalia. 

Oscar. What, another? {Laughs.) 

Perkins {feebly). There — there’ is only one. 

Oscar. 1 have reason to know there is another. 

Perkins {alarmed). You do—you do? 

Oscar. Yes, and at the present time he is in this house. 

Perkins {bracing up). Pooh—pooh—that man’s an 
impostor. 

Oscar (l. c.). Nothing of the kind. I know Prince 
Oscar as well as I know myself, and he is in the house at 
this moment. 

Perkins (c.). Are you sure? 

Oscar. Perfectly. 

Perkins {weakly, but keeping up the bluff). But I am 
Prince Oscar. 

Oscar. Oh, no, you are not. Prince Oscar could never 
look the funny figure that you do. {Laughs.) 

Perkins {blustering). 1 do not look a funny figure. It’s 
dignity. 

Oscar. False dignity. However, if you still assert your 
identity, the best thing 1 can do is to send the other claim¬ 
ant to you. ( Goes up l. ) 

Perkins {nervous). Don’t trouble. 

Oscar. Oh, it’s no trouble—a pleasure. 


42 HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 

(.Laughs and exit , l. Perkins sighs , to chair at table 
l. c\, puts sword at back of him, tries to sit down but 
sword is i?i the way, jumps up—tries to sit again., sword 
falls out of scabbard. He picks it up, tries to put it back 
wrong way—business ad lib. Holds scabbard up, looks 
into it, taps it as if to shake out dust—tries again, same 
business, disgusted.) 

Perkins. This thing of playing a prince makes me 
weary. It’s worse than answering bells. {Bell rings off L. 
Perkins starts l. ; stops.) Oh, I forgot. I’m not the serv¬ 
ant, but a prince. {Struts c.) It may be the master— he 
must not see me. {Crosses quickly.) Mr. Harry’s room. 

{Stumbles over sword, etc. Exit, r. Pause.) 

{Enter Wilkins, up l., followed by Princess Maria Von 
Verhoeff. She stares around the room, haughtily.) 

Wilkins. Er—what name shall I give, miss— {she glares 
at him) er—madam— {she looks angry) er—your ladyship? 

Princess (with freezing hauteur). You may tell him 
that the Princess Von Verhoeff, of Eastphalia, is here. 

Wilkins {stammering). The Princess—er—Von Ver- 
hunk? Yes, miss—I mean your Royal ’Ighness. Please 
be seated. 

{Places chair for her awkivardly down l. She sits. Exit 

Wilkins, l.) 

{Enter Charles, up r.) 

Charles. Hullo—who’s this? Why, it’s Polly’s friend, 
of course. {Comes doivn c.) So my dear girl, you have 
arrived ? 

Princess {astonished}. My dear girl! {Coldly.) I 
beg your pardon. 

Charles. By Jove, I’m delighted to see you. 

{Offers hand.) 

Princess {coldly). Sir! {Rises.) 

Charles. Very absurd— I have never seen you before. 
{Laughs.) However, better late than never. We must 
make up for lost time now, eh? {Comes down r.) 





HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


43 


Princess (haughtily). Sir, I am the Princess Maria Von 
Verhoeff of Eastphalia. 

Charles {laughing'). Of course you are. I know that, 
quite right —keep it up. 

Princess {going up c.). Are you mad? 

Charles ( delighted ). Capital—capital. By Jove, you’ve 
got the queenly manner, and no mistake. 

Princess {coldly). Pray tell me who you are. 

Charles. Excellent—royal. Couldn’t be better. 
{Laughs.) Wish I could do it as well. {Imitates her dig¬ 
nified bearing.) I am Prince Oscar of Eastphalia. 

Princess. What? {Astonished.) 

Charles ( going up c.). I suppose you quite understand 
what you’ve got to do? 

Princess. What I’ve got to do ! 

Charles. You see, you’ve come to look after your 
runaway husband. 

Princess. That’s quite true. I have come to look after 
my runaway husband. 

Charles. Of course you are very angry with him? 

I certainly am very angry with him. 

And you want to carry him back with you to 


Princess. 
Charles. 
Eastphalia ? 
Princess. 


I mean to carry him back with me to East¬ 


phalia. 

Charles {laughing). In disgrace? 

Princess {decidedly). In disgrace. 

Charles. Well, then, all you’ve got to do is to tell the 
old man that you are the Princess of Eastphalia—you claim 
your truant husband. ( Goes to her.) One fond embrace. 


{Starts to embrace her ; she draws back haughtily.) 


Princess. Sir! 

Charles. No? Well, perhaps you are right—after all, 
Polly mightn’t like it. 

Princess {puzzled). Polly mightn’t like it ? 

Charles. Yes, I said so. Well, I suppose the next 
best thing is to see the old man. 

Princess. The old man ? 

Charles. Why, yes—tell him you’ve come to carry me 
off. Injured wife—outraged queen—take no excuse—you’ll 
catch on in a second. {Crosses l.) By Jove, you’re a 




44 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


smart girl—a stunner. If it wasn’t for Polly I’d make a 
play for you. 

Princess ( coming down r.). The man’s mad. 

Charles. See you later. Back in a minute. Ta, ta. 

(Exit , l.) 

Princess. He is unquestionably a madman. But why 
did he pretend to be Oscar? {Goes up r.) 

{Enter Wilkins, l.) „ 

Wilkins. Mr. Truckerman will be here in just a mo¬ 
ment, miss—er—I mean your Royal ’Jghness. 

Princess {haughtily). Very well. 

Wilkins. Yes, ma’am—I mean your Royal ’Ighness, 
ma’am. 

{Hasty exit , L.) 

Princess {up r.). Now where can Oscar be? 

(Perkins peeks out door r. Not seeing Princess, he 

comes down c.) 

Perkins. I wonder where that fellow is keeping himself? 

{Turns up c., meets Princess.) 

Princess. What is this ? 

Perkins {crossing l. c.). Excuse me—I’m in a hurry 
to meet a man. 

Princess {haughtily). Stop — I command you. 

Perkins. Dear, dear, I wish I was out of here. 

Princess (c.). What are you doing here in that dress? 

Perkins {nervously ). Doing here in this dress? 

Princess (coming c.). Why are you wearing that uni¬ 
form ? 

Perkins. There’s no hope for it. I must brazen it out. 
{Puffs up.) Who has a better right to wear it than I have? 

Princess. And pray what right- 

Perkins {up c.). 1'hat is a question I’m not compelled 
to answer, but as you are a woman, 1 will. 1 am Prince 
Oscar of Eastphalia. {Strikes attitude.) 

Princess {coming down r.). What! 

Perkins ( nervously ). Please don’t shout so loud. You 
will disturb the cook. 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


45 


Princess {decidedly). Leave the room. 

Perkins. 1 am a prince, and can’t obey your order. 
Princess. Do you hear? Leave my presence. 

Perkins {aside). Who can she be? 

Princess {loudly). Go ! 

Perkins. Oh ! 

{Runs off l., gets mixed up with sword between legs, etc.) 

Princess. I must have got into an asylum. {Crosses l.) 
But why do they all say they are Oscar? And where is 
Oscar if he is not here ? {Sees cigarette case on table, picks 
it up, looks at it.) Ah, this is his cigarette case. 

{Puts case on table.) 

Oscar {off l ). Mr. Truckerman. 

Princess. Oscar, my friend, I’ve caught you now. 

{Exit door up L.) 

Oscar {off l.). Very well, Mr. Truckerman. (F.nter 
l.) I wish the divine Gertrude would put in an appearance. 
{Comes down l.) She must be somewhere in the house. 

{Sits oti chair down L., and is hidden f rom up R.) 

{Enter Gertrude, up r.) 

Gertrude. But to please Polly, I must go through with 
it. {She goes to door up L., as if making an entrance as 
servant. Announces herself , not seeing Oscar.) Her Royal 
Highness, Princess Maria of Eastphalia. 

{Comes down C. as if she were the princess entering.) 

Oscar {leaping to his feet). What in the name of- 

Gertrude (seeing him). What, you, Mr. Black? 
Oscar. What, you, Miss Dainty? 

Gertrude {coming down r.). Yes. I was sent here to 
meet a sham prince, and I find only White—Green or 
Black. So you are the man who is pretending to be the Prince 
Von Verhoeff of Eastphalia? 

Oscar. I like that, if it comes to that, why on earth 
are you pretending to be the Princess of Eastphalia ? 

(Crosses to her ; folds arms.) 



46 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Gertrude. To please you, it appears. Ob, I under¬ 
stand it all. 

Oscar. That’s very clever of you. It’s more than I do. 

Gertrude. And I’m afraid I can’t be as angry as I 
ought to be. So this is why you pretended to be the prince, 
is it ? 

Oscar. Think so? 

Gertrude. You said you’d get into the house somehow, 
but 1 never thought you would have dared to attempt such 
cheek as this. 

Oscar. My dear girl—for your sake—I have dared—a 
good deal more than you call my cheek. 

Gertrude. Why do you take so much trouble? 

Oscar. Because 1 adore you. 

Gertrude. My dear Mr. Black—or is it mon cher 
prince ? ( Curtsey.') 

Oscar. I should like you to call me my dear Oscar. 

Gertrude. I’m afraid I can’t oblige you. 

Oscar. Look here—if we are both playing parts—if I 
am Prince of Eastphalia, if you are Princess of Eastphalia— 
if we are both impostors, let us keep the imposture a little 
longer. 

(Tries to take Gertrude’s hand—she draws away.) 

Gertrude. What’s the good ? I know you’re not the 
prince—you know I’m not the princess. 

Oscar. Unhappily, no. 

(Princess appears zip l. and overhears rest of scene.) 

Gertrude ( 'decidedly ). You couldn’t be any further 
from the princess than you are from me. You only waste 
your precious time, for you see I love some one else. 

Oscar. Indeed ! YVho? 

Gertrude. Your friend —Mr. Harry Truckerman. 

Oscar. Oh—hang Harry ! 

Gertrude. Oh, no —he’s not quite so bad as that. 

Oscar. I congratulate you. 

Gertrude. You don’t mean that. But it doesn’t mat¬ 
ter. Why don’t you clear out? You are awfully in the 
way here. 

Oscar. So it appears. 

Gertrude. You must get away somehow—I’m afraid I 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


47 


can’t help you now, but go gracefully, without undeceiving 
the old man. Let him really think he had a prince under 
his roof. 

Oscar. Would it really give him so much pleasure? 

Gertrude. Why, of course it would. He’s what you 
call an awful snob. 

Oscar. Then he shall have his heart’s desire. I am 
Prince Oscar. 

Gertrude {laughing). Of course you don’t expect me 
to believe you ? 

Oscar. It is true—I am the prince. 

Gertrude. Then you’re very silly to try to make love 
to me. 

Oscar (stiffly). I really fail to understand you. 

Gertrude (laughing). For goodness’ sake don’t get 
dignified. It doesn’t suit you a bit. (Sits r., oti sofa.) 

Oscar. Can’t you understand that I love you madly, 
wildly, blindly—that I don’t care a hang about Eastphalia 
or anything else, so long as there is a chance of finding love 
in your eyes and welcome on your lips? 

(He tries to embrace her—she rises and waves him off.) 

Gertrude. You forget you are a married man. Your 
love is an insult to me. As an American girl, I should re¬ 
sent it with a horsewhip. But for the sake of the princess, 
whom, if report say true, is one of the best women in Eu¬ 
rope, I’ll overlook your madness. But you must promise 
never again to breathe a word of love to me. 

Oscar (after pause). I see how bitterly I have wronged 
you. I shall trouble you no more. 

(Princess disappears icp l.) 

Gertrude. Now you are wise. (Extends hand.) Good 
luck. 1 only hope the princess may never suffer from your 
folly. Good-bye. 

Oscar (taking her hand). Good-bye. (Gertrude goes 
up R.) One moment—please do not tell any one who I 
really am. I have reasons. I want to do it myself, when 
the time comes. 

Gertrude ( bowing , half mockingly, half serious). Your 
Royal Highness shall be obeyed. 

(Exit, up r.) 


4 8 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Oscar ( looking after her). I never felt so small in my 
life. (Turns doivn l. Princess comes down c.) 

Princess. Oscar! 

Oscar (startled). Maria ! 

Princess. You are surprised to see me? 

Oscar. Well, rather. 

Princess (going r.). Well, Pm here. 

Oscar. 1 see you are. 

Princess. Well, what are you doing here? 

Oscar. Well, what are you doing here ? 

Princess. 1 presume the Princess of Eastphalia has a 
right to be with her husband. 

Oscar. Well, it’s a right she needn’t find it always 
necessary to exercise. 

Princess. That is for me to judge. Who is your ac¬ 
complice ? 

Oscar. My accomplice ? 

Princess. Yes—the person who—who pretends to be 
you. 

Oscar. My dear Maria, he is not my accomplice. 

Princess. Indeed ? 

Oscar. Indeed ! When I came to London, I found him 
here in this house masquerading as my humble self. 

Princess (sarcastically). A likely story. How did you 
come here at all ? 

Oscar. Why, I- 

Princess (breaking in). Oscar—we have not been the 
best of friends, but we needn’t lie to each other, so be frank. 
1 know of your infatuation for an American girl. I learned 
she was in London. 1 came here and found you here, 
where this girl comes to see you. 

Oscar. 1 beg your pardon—she does not come here to 
see me. 

Princess. And you do not come here to see her? 

Oscar. Oh, that’s another story. I certainly do. 

Princess. And you admit to me—your wife—your in¬ 
fatuation for a woman who is pure and good—who only 
laughs at you. 

Oscar. You are right—she only laughs at me—she has 
no use for a prince. 

Princess. 1 know it, for I overheard every word she said 
to you. 

Oscar. You did? 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


49 


Princess. I did. 

Oscar. Phew ! Well, as the Americans say—“ for¬ 
get it.” 

Princess. That depends upon your future conduct. 
Oscar. Oh, I’m not such a bad husband, as husbands 
go. After I’ve had my lark, I shall return home and be 
good. I want to help this little American girl to secure as 
her husband the man of her choice, a clever young fellow, 
whose father- 

Daniel (very loud, outside l.). I say he shan’t. 

Oscar. That’s the man. 

Princess. Who? 

Oscar. The father. 

{Enter Perkins, very cautious , r., trying to escape . 

Princess moves to door up l., pulling down her veil. 
Perkins dodges down behind sofa. Enter Daniel, l., in 
a rage.) 

Daniel (coming down c.). I’ll not permit it. (He 
sputters in his rage—sees Oscar standing down L. c. 
Pauses and looks at him. The moment Daniel enters , 
Perkins, who is trying to escape , makes a funny exit back 
through door , r.) Here you, Black—send the prince to me. 
I’ll see if he leaves my house right when the nobs are com¬ 
ing. I won’t have it. 

(Daniel, in a rage , throivs himself on sofa down r.) 

Oscar (very humble ). Very well, sir. 

(He joins Princess at door up l., where her looks and 
gestures express her astonishment at his menialposition .) 

(Enter Charles, l. Daniel sees him, jumps up. Charles 

wears uniform of Act /.) 

Daniel (down r.). Oh—there you are, Prince. Say— 
what’s this I hear about you leaving us ? 

Charles (c.). Oh—then you’ve seen her ! Then she’s 
told you ? 

(Princess shows anger — Oscar restrains her ; they are just 

outside door up l.) 

Daniel. No, sir, I have not seen her, and she has not 



50 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


told me. But my son told me; so you want to run away, 
do you ? But you gave me your promise to stay for a week, 
and I’ll hold you to it. 

Charles. I’m extremely sorry, but Eastphalia won’t 
wait. 

Daniel (going up R., excited ). Eastphalia must wait. 
(Shouts.) Eastphalia shall wait. A promise is a promise. 
You’ve got to keep it. 

Charles. But, my good sir- 

Daniel (coming to Charles, c., shouting loudly). Don’t 
“but” me. ( Loivers voice.) I’ve asked a few big wigs to 
meet you to-night. The Prime Minister—the Chancellor 
of the Exchequer, a royal duke and some assorted earls. 
Have all them here, and no prince to meet ’em ! They’d 
kill me. Chop off my head or something. (Gasps.) 

Charles. Send them word that the prince was com¬ 
pelled to leave suddenly, and call the reception off. 

Daniel. No, sir. This will be the biggest night of my 
life—all the swells here, and I won’t have you leaving. A 
bargain’s a bargain, even with a Royal Highness. You 
don’t leave this house to-night. 

Charles. Do you propose to detain me by force? 

Daniel. That’s just what I propose to do, if you won’t 
listen to reason. 

Charles. I’ll leave here, and at once. 

Daniel. We'll see. (Calls loudly.) Perkins, Wilkins, 
Perkins ! Come here. (Perkins appears door r., but in¬ 
stantly dodges back.) Wilkins, where are you? 

(Enter Wilkins, l., hurriedly.) 

Wilkins. Yes, sir; yes, sir. 

Daniel. Lock every door leading out of the house, and 
bring the keys to me. And be quick about it. (Pushes 
him l . Charles laughs and goes up r. Exit Wilkins, l.) 
Where’s Perkins? (Daniel comes c. The Princess and 
Oscar come dozvn l. Daniel turns and sees her. Per¬ 
kins enters R. and stands trembling.) Oh, are you the 
lady who wanted to see me ? What do you want ? 

Princess. I’ve been looking for the missing prince. 

(Charles makes a quick exit up r.) 

Daniel. There’s the prince. 




HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


51 


(He turns and points to Perkins, whose face is turned 
away, and whom he mistakes for Charles.) 

Princess. What! That the Prince of Eastphalia ! 

(Perkins runs toward door up l. Stumbles over sword, etc.) 

Daniel. Certainly. (Princess laughs.') Here, where 
you going? Wilkins! (Wilkins runs in l.) Stop him ! 

(Daniel follows Perkins. Wilkins tries to stop Perkins, 
but the latter pushes him aside and rims out up L.) 

(Enter Charles, up r.) 

Charles. No escape that way. Hullo ! 

(Daniel turns and sees Charles.) 

Daniel. Why, here he is ! Grab him ! 

(Wilkins runs over r. and seizes Charles. Daniel seizes 

him also.) 

Charles. That will do. 

(Shakes them off, and comes down R.) 

Daniel (following him). Now I’ve got you, Prince 
Oscar of Eastphalia, and you stay right here ! 

(Princess stands l., amazed. Oscar falls into chair down 
l., laughing loudly . Charles and Daniel down r. 
Wilkins up c.) 


curtain 



ACT III 

SCENE.— Same as Act I. 

{There is a pause after curtain is up. Perkins peeps out 

of door up L.) 

Perkins. The coast is clear. ( Enter Harry, r. Sees 
Harry.) Oh, dear ! ( Retires quickly up l.) 

Harry {looking around, going to door up r., calling). 
Oh, Polly ! 

Gertrude {entering up r.). Polly’s gone out for a walk. 
Harry. Never mind, it was only a ruse of mine to see 
you. 

Gertrude {coming down r.). Have you sprung the 
question on your father ? 

Harry {following her down r.). I am waiting. 
Gertrude. Don’t wait, or you’ll get cold feet. 

Harry. I’ll do it—as soon as 1 am rid of my unwelcome 
visitor. 

Gertrude. Don’t weaken. 

Harry. I won’t. 

Gertrude. You will defy him, even if he kicks you 
out ? 

Harry. He will kick me out. I feel it—at least I shall 
feel it. 

Gertrude {laughing). It will do you good—start your 
blood circulating. If he refuses ? 

Harry. It’s up to you. 

Gertrude. Then I’ll take you under my wing and we 
will fly away to dear old Montana. {The hell rings off L. 
Perkins enters quickly up l. Sees Gertrude, jumps back.) 
Some one is coming. It may be your father. I’d better 
get under cover. Harry, when you and your father come 
together, fire hot shot into him. 

{Exit, up r.) 

Harry. She’s a trump. I wonder where Perkins is ? 
{Goes to door, L. Looks off.) 


52 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


53 


(Enter Perkins, up l. Looks around.) 

Perkins. Thank goodness—the coast is clear at last. 
Now perhaps I can slip away. 

( Creeps toward door up r. Sneezes. This attracts Harry’s 

attention. He conies c. and touches Perkins on arm.) 

Harry. Hello, Perkins. 

Perkins. Oh! ( Jumps in alarm ; falls in Harry’s 
arms. Harry puls him on sofa dow?i r. His leg is under 
him. He sits on spur, jumps up.) Good gracious ! 

Harry. Did 1 startle you ? 

Perkins ( very weak , hand on heart , sickly smile). I 
should think you did startle me, sir. My heart is in my 
mouth. 

Harry. Where have you been all this while? 

Perkins (. standing down r.). Excuse me, sir, if I ask 
you, where have you been ail this while? 

Harry ( down c.). Why, in the smoking-room, waiting 
for you to make your report, as we agreed. 

Perkins. 1 wish 1 could get somewhere, sir, so I could 
take off these regimentals, sir. 

Harry ( going l. and sitting on edge of table). Well, 
have you frightened him out of the house ? 

Perkins. Frightened him out of the house ? I beg your 
pardon, sir, Pm frightened out of my wits. 

Harry. Why? 

Perkins, if Pm ever discovered, you’ll find, sir—this 
practical joke you are playing on me, sir, will be the death 
of me. 

Harry. What practical joke have I been playing on you ? 

Perkins. You know, sir. 

Harry. I do not. 

Perkins. You did it very clever, sir, and you fooled 
me—with my eyes open, when you asked me to please you 
by driving or scaring away a sham prince. 

Harry. Well, have you done it? 

Perkins (going c.). I beg your pardon, sir, but you 
knew very well he was the real prince all the time. 

Harry. What the dickens are you talking about? 

Perkins. I hope you’ll not think me rude, sir, if I ask 
you—you’re not going to pretend he’s not the real prince 
now, are you ? 


54 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Harry. Do you mean to say that the fellow I picked up 
at the ball is the Prince of Eastphalia? 

Perkins. That’s what Pve been wanting to say, sir. 

Harry. Nonsense! Who told you that? 

Perkins. Mr. Black says so. 

Harry. Great Scott! (Si/s L.) What does Black know 
about it, I should like to know? Is he sure this fellow is 
the prince? 

Perkins. He seemed positive, sir. 

Harry. Oh, Black is the governor’s secretary. He’s 
got to believe what the governor believes. Don’t be afraid, 
Perkins, the man is only a “rounder” I picked up when I 
was—well, when I was a little- 

Perkins. 1 know how you were, sir—you went to bed 
with your boots on. 

Harry ( half laughing ). That will do, Perkins. You 
have lost your pull with me since you have failed to run 
that bogus prince away. What have you been doing all 
this time? 

Perkins. Hiding like a rat in a hole. 

Harry. Where? 

Perkins (pointing r. and tip l.). There—and there. 
First in your room. I feared Pd be found there, so I hid 
outside on the balcony, and I’ve caught- 

(Sneezes very loud.) 

Harry. I see you have. Why were you afraid ? 

Perkins. Of your father, of course, sir. If he’d dis¬ 
covered 1 wasn’t Perkins—1 mean if Perkins wasn’t what 
he should be, sir—he’d- 

Harry ( making motion of a kick). He’d see that you 
landed on the door-steps. 

Perkins ( hands back of him, in pain—giving a jump , as 
if being kicked). That’s what I was afraid of, sir, landing 
on the door-step. 

Harry. There’s where I’m afraid I’ll land, if father 
learns of my deception. 

Perkins. He will learn sooner or later, sir. 

Harry. I’ll take chances — at least I hope lean fight off 
the discovery till I obtain his consent to my marriage. 

Perkins. 1 hope it will come soon. I’m getting a little 
sick of my job — and these whiskers. 





HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


55 


(.Blows out cheek and goes up r.) 

Harry. I thought you were a brave man. Don’t 
weaken, Perkins. If we win this game, it’s you and I to 
the states. 

Perkins. I’ll stick, sir, if for only your sake. 

{Enter Polly up l. Perkins dodges behind sofa .) 

Polly. Oh, Harry ! 

Harry {quickly). Have you seen father ? 

Polly. Yes. He’ll be here in a moment. 

Perkins. Oh! 

{Makes a quick fimtiy exit, r. , falling over sword, etc.') 

Harry. Where is father ? 

{Walks up and down, a little nervous.) 

Polly {coming down l. , taking off gloves). I met him 
on the door-step—he’s been out, too. 

Harry. What for? 

Polly. I don’t know. I left Gertrude reading in my 
room while I went for a walk in the park. 

Harry (r.). To dream ? 

Polly. Yes, and think over the future. 

Harry. Have you heard the news? 

Polly. About the prince not being the prince ? Yes. I 
was glad to hear it. As Gertrude says— (very demure) he’s 
got me going some. 

Harry. What do you mean ? 

Polly. I’ll tell you. {Clasps hands—rolls her eyes , 
gushing a little.) You see, I- 

{Enter Daniel, up l.) 

Daniel. Now, then, Polly, why ain’t you getting dressed 
for the reception ? 

Polly. There’s plenty of time, papa. 

Daniel {coming c.). No, there isn’t, young lady. 
His Royal Highness might be with us any moment. 

{Laughs and rubs his hands.) 

Polly. You are pleased with him ? 

Daniel. Pleased ! {Laughs.) I should say so. My 





5 ^ 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


ambition is realized at last. The crown of fashion is on my 
forehead. The sceptre of society is in my fingers, and all 
thanks to you, my boy, and the prince. But he came very 
near to giving me the slip, though. 

Harry ( aside ). I wish he had. 

Daniel. He actually wanted to go back to Eastphalia 
at once. 

Polly. And you prevented him ? 

Daniel. I should think I did prevent him. Princes 
don’t drop from the clouds every day. 

Harry. Father, why didn’t you let him go when he 
wanted to ? 

Daniel ( excited ). Let him go ! The chance of my 
life ! You don’t know what you are talking about. No, 
of course you don’t. That reminds me, Pve got a little 
surprise for you both. 

Polly. A little surprise? 

Daniel. Yes, and I’ve saved it till the last moment. It 
will be all the sweeter for keeping. We’ve got some friends 
coming to dinner. 

H arry. Friends? 

Daniel ( laughing ). Friends. Not exactly old friends 
—not even old acquaintances. 

Polly. Father, what are you talking about? 

Daniel ( proudly ). Why, my dear child—I felt bound 
to afford the prince some suitable society, and by Jingo, I 
have, too. Some of the biggest swells in London will sit at 
my table to-night. 

Harry (staggering). Father! What have you done ? 

Daniel ( delighted ). What have 1 done? I’ve asked 
half a dozen of the greatest names in England to dinner— 
and they are all coming. The whole caboodle—the whole 
bunch. 

Polly (in dismay ). You’re joking, father. 

Daniel. I’m as serious as a judge. The Prime Minister 
is coming, and the Duke of Brighton. He’s of the royal 
blood, and the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and my lord, 
and my lady this—I can’t tell you all their.names, for I 
don’t remember them, but Black did it all. Ah, he’s a 
wonder, Black is. He knew all about them, just as if he 
had been born to the purple himself. 

Polly. And they are coming? 

Daniel. Coming! I should say they are coming. 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


57 


Oscar of Eastphalia is a reigning prince, and an invitation 
to meet him is nothing less than a command. (Goes up c.) 

Polly (crossing r. to Harry). What shall we do? 

Harry. Oh, we’d better let the thing be pulled off. 

Daniel. Come, now, Polly—bustle—bustle, or the big 
fellows will be upon us. Dress in your very best, my dear. 

Harry. I shall vamoose. 

(Exit, r.) 

Polly. And I’ll run and tell Gertrude about the recep¬ 
tion. 


(Exit, up r.) 

Daniel. That’s right, run along. (Comes down l.) 

( Euter Perkins, r.) 

Perkins. I dassent stay any longer. (Sees Daniel.) 
Dear me, there’s the master. 

Daniel (turning R., quickly'). Hello, your Royal. 
(Looks more closely at Perkins.) Why, it’s not his High¬ 
ness. Who are you, sir ? (Savagely.) Who the deuce are 
you ? 

Perkins (trying to be dignified, fixing moustache). You 
don’t know me ? 

Daniel. Should I ask if I did ? No, I don’t know you, 
but I want to know you (grabbing Perkins), and I will 
know you. (Shakes Perkins violently.) 

Perkins (after business, braces up). You ask who I am ? 

Daniel. I do— I do. 

Perkins. And what I am doing here? 

Daniel (roaring). Yes. 

Perkins (with dignity). I am Prince Oscar of Eastphalia. 

(Crosses to l. down front.) 

Daniel. Say, that won’t go with me. His Royal High¬ 
ness is in this house at this moment. 

Perkins (feebly). He’s not the prince—he’s an im¬ 
postor. 

Daniel (r.). What ! 

Perkins. I am here to unmask him. 

Daniel. The deuce you say. (Falls on sofa, R. ; stares 
at Perkins. Enter Charles from l. ; does not see Per- 


5 8 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


kins. Daniel jumps up.) Your Royal Highness—just in 
time. Who is this man ? {Indicates Perkins.) 

Charles (c., looking at Perkins, etc.). I’m sure I don’t 
know. 

Daniel. He says he is Prince Oscar. 

Charles. Oh—he does, does he? {Aside.) What in 
the mischief does this mean? 

Perkins [alarmed; aside). I must keep it up, or they’ll 
kill me. {Aloud.) I am Prince Oscar. 

Daniel. There! 

Charles. Excuse me, but I happen to be Prince Oscar. 
Perkins. He isn’t—I am. 

Charles {to Daniel). Does he look like a prince? 
Daniel. He looks like a lobster. 

Perkins [aside). He’s jealous of me. 

Charles. But I can tell you who he is. 

{Comes dow?i r. to Daniel.) 

Daniel. You can ? 

Charles. I know him quite well. 

Perkins {alarmed; aside). I wonder if he has discov¬ 
ered who I am ? 

Charles. He is only an idiot. 

(Daniel starts.) 

Daniel. He looks it. 

(Perkins angry.) 

Charles. But he’s harmless—quite harmless, believe 
me. He’s a kind of distant cousin of ours, and he some¬ 
how got the delusion that he was I. We locked him up, of 
course, but he must have got out, somehow or other, and 
followed me here. 

Daniel. Bless my soul, what an extraordinary thing ! 
Perkins. It’s an outrageous falsehood. 

Charles ( r. c.). Humor him. Humor him— poor 
fellow. 

{Enter Oscar, up l., in full unifonn.) 

Perkins {feebly). I am the Prince of Eastphalia. 
Charles {firmly). I am the Prince of Eastphalia. 
Oscar [coming doivn c. between them). Excuse me, 
gentlemen, I am the Prince of Eastphalia. 




HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 59 

Daniel. Great Scott, have I got ’em ? Are there three 
of you ? 

Charles. By Jove ! 

Perkins (feebly). Oh, my word ! 

Daniel ( down r.). Why, hang it, it’s Black. 

Charles (r. c.). It is Black. (Goes l. c.) 

Perkins. Only Black. 

Charles (relieved). Thank goodness. 

(Oscar sits l. c.) 

Daniel (loudly). What do you mean, sir, by this mas¬ 
querading ? 

Charles. Yes. What do you mean, sir, by this mas¬ 
querading ? 

Perkins (feebly and shaking limbs). What do you 
mean by this masquerading ? 

(Oscar laughs heartily. Perkins retreats in comic alarm 

to corner dowti L.) 

Daniel. What do you mean, sir, you, my secretary—• 
my servant—by this behavior ? 

Oscar. I mean what I say, Mr. Truckerman. 

Daniel (angrily). How dare you ? I dismiss you ! 
Leave this house ! 

Perkins. Leave this house ! 

Charles. Leave this house ! 

Oscar. Do you know who these gentlemen are ? 

Daniel, i do, sir. (Indicates Charles.) This is 
Prince Oscar of Eastphalia. 

Perkins. No, he isn’t—I am. 

Daniel (indicating Perkins). And this is his cousin— 
his idiot cousin. 

Perkins. That’s worse than calling me a lobster. 

Oscar (lookifig at Perkins). He certainly looks the 
part. 

Perkins. He’s jealous of me. 

Oscar. My dear Mr. Truckerman, you have been 
gravely abused, and T am afraid I have allowed myself to be 
a party to the deception. 

Daniel (slozuly). What do you mean ? 

Oscar (pointing to Charles). This gentleman is not 


6o 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Prince Oscar. (. Points to Perkins.) That man may be 
an idiot, but he is not Prince Oscar’s cousin. 

Charles. I am Prince Oscar. 

Oscar (rising). I am Prince Oscar. 

Perkins (in a feebly , high-keyed tone). I am Prince 
Oscar. 

Daniel (staggering). Now I know I’ve got ’em. 

(Enter Polly, up r.) 

Polly (coming down r. c.). Oh, papa, I must tell you 

something I think (looking at Charles) you should know- 

Daniel (crossing to Polly). Wait a bit, my child. 
Look over the room and tell me how many men in uniform 
happen to be in this room at this moment. 

Polly (looking around). Why, three, of course. 
Daniel. Thanks, my dear. Then I am not crazy, after 
all. 

Polly. Why, father, of course not. 

Daniel (relieved). Well—now, what is it? 

Polly. What became of that lady who came to see 
you ? 

Daniel. Why, she wanted to find the prince. I—I left 
her here with Black. 

Oscar (smiling). I expect her any moment. Ah, here 
she is now. 

[Enter Wilkins, up l., followed by Princess.) 

Wilkins. The Princess Von Verhoeff of Eastphalia. 
Daniel. What! 

(Exit Wilkins, up l. Princess comes down l., where she 

joins Oscar.) 

Charles (aside). Bravo, Gertrude! (To Daniel.) 
Now we shall see who is the real Prince Oscar. 

Perkins (repeating very feebly). Now we shall see who 
isn’t. 

(Enter Gertrude and Harry, up r. They watch scene.) 

Princess. I trust you will pardon the intrusion of a 
stranger, but I have come for my husband. 

Daniel. Don’t you mean your husbands? 

Princess. Oh, no, I find one husband quite enough. 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


6 I 


Charles (r. of her , aside to her'). Bravo, Gertrude ! 
Keep it up. (Aloud.) My dear Maria- 

Princess. Who is this gentleman ? 

Daniel. Ask me another. 

Charles ( aside to Princess). What’s the matter ? Keep 
it up. 

Daniel (crossing l. to Princess; desperately). Madam, 
each of these gentlemen says he is Prince Oscar. I’m 
all in a muddle—I leave it to you. 

Princess (indicating Oscar). This is my husband. 

(They join hands, talk a?idlaugh. Astonishment of others.) 

Charles. Here, I say—what’s all this? Why, Truck- 
erman, this isn’t the Princess of Eastphalia at all. 

Daniel (gasping). What ! 

Charles (to Princess). It’s all your own fault. She 
is Gertrude Dainty—the American girl. 

(Polly moves down r. to Charles.) 

Polly. Oh, no. 

Princess (smiling). You are quite mistaken, sir. 

(Gertrude comes down r. c.) 

Charles. Oh—but you are—you know you are. It’s 
no use denying it. 

Gertrude (coming down r. c.). There is some mis¬ 
take. I am Gertrude Dainty. 

Charles. You! (To Polly.) Is she Gertrude Dainty ? 

Polly. Why, of course, and she is my chum. 

Harry ( coming down r. c., and taking Gertrude’s 
hands). And my promised wife. 

Daniel. Never ! I’ll never consent to your marrying a 
vulgar American. 

Harry. Then we will marry without your consent. 

Daniel. Take care. If you do, I’ll disown you. 

Harry. Then you lose me. I wanted to marry with 
your consent, but since you forbid the bans, we will get 
along without it. 

Daniel. How dare you talk to your father in that 
manner ? 

Harry. You are no longer my father. I disown you. 

Daniel. Oh, this is awful! 



62 


HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


Harry. So good-bye, father. Gertrude and I will 
marry. (To Gertrude.) How soon ? 

Gertrude. In twenty-four hours. 

Harry. In twenty-four hours. 

Princess. And you shall spend your honeymoon as the 
guests of the Prince and Princess of Eastphalia; shall they 
not, Prince Oscar ? 

Oscar. I shall be delighted. 

Daniel. Oh, this is too much ! ( Goes up C., overcome .) 

Princess ( taking Gertrude’s hands'). 1 know you to 
be a true, sweet little woman. My husband has had his 
fling. He has promised in the future to be good. I have 
forgiven him. ( Goes r. c.) You and I shall always be 
friends. (. Kisses Gertrude.) 

Daniel ( coming down c.). Prince—what’s to become 
of me ? Here all these swells will come trooping up my 
stairs to find only a silly old man who has been made a 
fool of. 

Oscar. Come, my dear Mr. Truckerman, one good turn 
deserves another. 

Daniel. I am at your Royal Highness’ orders. 

(Polly and Charles, Harry and Gertrude have paired 

off, R.) 

Oscar. Promise to make the young people happy 
(Daniel rubs his chin), and your aristocratic visitors will 
find not merely the prince, but the princess—delighted to 
see them. 

(Princess goes l. to Oscar.) 

Daniel (c.). I’ll do it. My boy, you have given me a 
prince—take her, she’s yours. 

Polly. How about me ? 

Daniel. What do you want? 

Polly ( looking into Charles’ eyes). Only Charley. 

Daniel. And who is Charley ? 

Charles. The Honorable Charles Sumner. 

Daniel. Well, upon my word. The Honorable, eh? 
( Turns and looks at Perkins, 7 oho is standing in corner — ■ 
very nervous.) Now who in the deuce are you ? 

Perkins. I’m—I’m only Perkins. 

(Takes off moustache.) 



HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS 


6 3 


Daniel. Well—I’ll—be- 

{Makes one angry step toward Perkins, then stops and 
laughs. All join in except Perkins, who is still 
nervous.') 

Harry. Perkins* masquerade was my fault, father. 
Daniel. What? 

Oscar. We’ve all been pretenders. Perkins is the only 
prince you have not forgiven. 

Daniel. All right. Explanations later. We’ll need 
him for the dinner to your Royal Highness. 


CURTAIN 

Picture at fall of curtain : 
Harry Daniel 


Gertrude 

Polly 


Princess 

Oscar 


Charles 


Perkins 



Unusually Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six 
males and four females, with several minor parts. Time of 
playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes; 
may be presented in a hail without scenery. The unusual com¬ 
bination of a real “entertainment,” including music, recitations, 
etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercises 
include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruptions, 
and a comical speech by a country school trustee. Price, 15 
cents. 

EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight mah 
and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. 
Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos¬ 
tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry a 
trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in¬ 
cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers 
to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims 
the teacher. Very easy and very elfective. Price, 15 cents. 

BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter¬ 
tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four male 
and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. 
Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively with¬ 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are 
sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as “Quig,” a clerk in 
a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer and 
decides to try his fortunes in New York. The last scene is in 
Quig’s home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership 
in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a 
surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. 
Price, 15 cents. 

THE DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one 
female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super¬ 
numeraries may be added. Plays forty-five minutes. No special 
'scenery is required, and the costumes and properties are all 
easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con¬ 
vention. The climax comes when a woman’s rights cham¬ 
pion, captures the convention. There is a great chance to bur¬ 
lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every 
part will make a hit. Price, 15 cents. 

SI SLOCUM’S COUNTRY STORE. An Entertainment 

in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female 
characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. 
Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set 
scenery. Costumes, modern. The rehearsal for an entertain¬ 
ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity fot 
specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted 
to almost any place or occasion. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 


Successful Plays for All Girls 

In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List 

YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts, 
by Mrs. E. J. H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular 
plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time in 
playing, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod¬ 
ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a 
young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con¬ 
sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. 
When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that 
the physician is a female practitioner. Price, 15 cents. 

SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank 
Dumont. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, 
fantastic gowns, or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose 
of Masonry. Some women profess to learn the secrets of a 
Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, 
and they institute a similar organization. Price, 15 cents. 

A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter¬ 
tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char¬ 
acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, one 
hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street 
scene. Marian Young gets tired living with her aunt, Miss 
Skinflint. Slie decides to “attain a commanding position.” 
Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and 
school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. Price, 15 
cents. 

HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters. 
Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. 
Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it’s “the 
deepest kind of a secret.” Before announcing it they must win 
the approval of Harold’s uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible 
ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. 
Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. 
But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another 
friend and so the secret travels. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, 
by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female 
characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter¬ 
iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the 
play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to 
chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims 
her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties 
of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss 
Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish 
an evening of rare enjoyment. Price 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 


LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

The Power of I 

0 017 401 032 8 

Expression and efficiency go hand in hand. 

The power of clear and forceful expression brings confi¬ 
dence and poise at all times—in private gatherings, in public 
discussion, in society, in business. 

It is an invaluable asset to any man or woman. It can often 
be turned into money, but it is always a real joy. 

In learning to express thought, we learn to command 
thought itself, and thought is power. You can have this 
power if you will. 

Whoever has the power of clear expression is always sure 
of himself. 

The power of expression leads to : 

The ability to think “on your feet’* 

Successful public speaking 

Effective recitals 

The mastery over other minds 

Social prominence 

Business success 

Efficiency in any undertaking 

Are these things worth while? 

They are all successfully taught at The National School of 
Elocution and Oratory, which during many years has de¬ 
veloped this power in hundreds of men and women. 

A catalogue giving full information as to how any of these 
accomplishments may be attained will be sent free on request. 

THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF 
ELOCUTION AND ORATORY 

Parkway Building Philadelphia 












